This round was originally scheduled to feature Neil Cavuto, but I have the unfortunate responsibility to inform you that he has been ejected from our FOXTOBERFEST Of Stupid contest thanks to quarantine procedures necessary from his reckless exposure to Fake Ebola. Best of health, Neil, and see you in 21 days.
Instead, this round will feature seven-seeded contender and archaic right-wing dinosaur Lou Dobbs, who will be taking on a two-seeded Kimberly Guilfoyle 25 years his junior.
Let's begin with this June 3 clip from Lou Dobbs Tonight, in which Dobbs doesn't seem fazed whatsoever by guest Dr. Gina Loudon's preposterous suggestion that President Obama saw a sympathetic worldview in former U.S. POW Bowe Bergdahl's "hatred of America." He even continues to probe this valuable source for her insights on another U.S. soldier arrested in Mexico.
Loudon- - who seems to have gotten her psychiatric degree at ITT Tech in an alternate reality where the Confederates won the Civil War -- claims that the president's decision to seize an opportunity to release him from Taliban captivity is indicative that he is quite literally insane. Calling the president's decision to hold a press conference with Bergdahl's father "irrational and erratic," Loudon continues to say "I am very very concerned for the mental stability of this president."
This is what it looks like when two Alpha Idiots collide, but one is just a little crazier: Dobbs sits there like a flabbergasted idiot, alternating between stammering and an expression that seems to betray a complete cognitive lockdown. He manages, barely, to cut her off mid-rant without challenging her whatsoever.
In case you thought this was an isolated incident, Dobbs has invited Loudon back to the show to practice her unique brand of psychoanalysis on the Ray Rice suspension on Sept 9. Loudon explains that she is "not actually a psychotherapist, I'm actually just a behavior expert with a Ph.D. in a behaviorally related field" (makes sense to me), and then elaborates that,"I would submit to you, Lou, that a lot of this goes back to this feminist argument that women want to be exactly the same as men." Dobbs seems fine with this reasoning, with just a quick reminder that men shouldn't hit women for any reason (thanks Lou). But again, he lets her dominate the discussion, even mumbling for five seconds straight at one point:
Compare that to this June 18 segment of The Five, where Guilfoyle just straight up accused Obama of being delusional when she accused Obama of not "dealing in reality" on the non-existent "global war on radical Islam":
Guilfoyle also defended street harassment on an August 29 segment of Outnumbered, saying "let men be men," before she and her co-hosts fawn over guest Arthur Aidala's re-enactment of his personal signature "move" to hit on strange women on the street.
Dobbs might be setting the bar pretty low for a major news host, but Guilfoyle is the kind of next-generation, vitality-filled Alpha Idiot that walks all over him. Put the two in a room together and Guilfoyle would soon reduce him to a gibbering mess. Dobbs might be a dinosaur, but Guilfoyle is a raptor. Behold the evolution of stupidity.
GAME FOUR WINNER: Guilfoyle
Game 2: Mike Huckabee vs. Lauren Green
Game 3: Ben Carson vs. Geraldo Rivera