by Ben Cohen
In this hilarious compilation of the craziest Michelle Bachmann moments, I was struck by the awesome range of her nuttiness. This woman is the Bo Jackson of insane, proving that she can apply her talents to virtually any topic. Check out these two moments of complete bonkersness, and stand in awe of the sheer creativity she has when talking utter, utter nonsense:
Her Children’s Marriageability
In a three-page Christmas letter from 2003 acquired by a local blog,
Bachmann waxed optimistic on her four children’s suitability as
spouses. 13-year-old Elisa “was born to be the perfect wife… Future
mates will have to apply as she does not advertise herself.” After
marveling at the way her daughter Caroline “pulls her jeans over her
14-inch hips,” Bachmann noted that “King Henry had his six wives, and
if our Caroline had been one of them, I think she would have been
called Caroline the Vibrant.” She described her son, Harrison, as
“utter perfection” and a “female fantasy treasure.” And her eldest son,
Lucas, got a cheeky personal ad: “Chick magnate [sic] needs wife to put
him through med school, clean house, pay bills and run his life. Must
be willing to gamble against onslaught of socialized medicine
diminishing return on investment.”
Her Secret Knowledge of a Plan to Give Iraq to Iran
In 2007, Bachmann told Minnesota'sSt. Cloud Times
newspaper that she had knowledge of an “agreement made” between Iraq
and Iran: “They are going to get half of Iraq, and that is going to be
a terrorist safe-haven zone where they can go ahead and bring about
more attacks in the Middle East, and come against the United States.”
This was why, she said, Iran wanted the U.S. to pull out of Iraq.
Bachmann declined to specify how she learned of the partitioning plan,
but noted that it was all part of “their natural cultural ties, the
long history of Iran and Iraq wars, and regional security.” The St.
Cloud Times posted the interview on their Web site on February 10, but
the peculiar Iran-Iraq discourse didn’t find its way into the national press for almost two weeks.
The best moment of Bachmann's borderline personality disorder (and I use 'borderline' charitably) was when the Minnesota Congress woman declared that if God told her to, she would run for President. And as TPM pointed out, she wasn't talking figuratively:
During her 2006 campaign for the open House seat, Bachmann campaigned in a right-wing mega-church and talked about how God had called her to run:
"And then in the midst of that calling, God
then called me to run for the United States Congress. And I thought,
'what in the world would that be for?' And my husband said, 'You need
to do this,' and I wasn't so sure. And we took three days and we fasted
and we prayed, and we said, 'Lord is this what You want? Is this Your
will?' And after the -- along about the afternoon of day two, He made
that calling sure. And it's been now 22 months that I've been running
for United States Congress. Who in their right mind would spent two
years to run for a job that lasts for two years? You'd have to be
absolutely a fool to do that. You are now looking at a fool for Christ. This is a fool for Christ."
Well, at least she understands that bit.