Trump
MEMBERS ONLY: The Trump Crisis Includes Millions Of Equally Ignorant Americans
For the last 50-plus years, the conservative movement has been busily working on developing just the right conditions that've led to the rise of, first, Dan Quayle, then George W. Bush, then Sarah Palin, and now, Donald Trump.... To continue reading this article, please go here. ...read more
Trumpers Will Believe Anything And Here's Proof
Thursday evening, Donald Trump delivered another of his screech regattas, this time in Mike Pence's home state of Indiana. We're all familiar with his rallies as well as the all-too-familiar urge to hurl our televisions out the nearest window by the time he blurts the first of a ...read more
Fact Checking Website Crashes During Trump's State of the Union, Is All Of Us
Donald Trump must have laid off the Diet Coke before last night’s State of the Union address because his speech was slow and tempered. He barely sniffed, and maybe only endured a bit of dry mouth beyond those teeth, which were as white as Mike Pence. His alternative facts were ...read more
MEMBERS ONLY: Nearly 700,000 Americans Are Being Tortured With Gay Conversion Therapy
Tens of thousands of teenagers will undergo conversion therapy before they turn 18. This has already happened to around 350,000 kids and another 350,000 adults, and will happen to many more if action isn't taken to stop it. Vice President Mike Pence is widely rumored to support ...read more
Hey Donald, Get The Hell Out Of My Womb
On Friday, March for Life organizers gathered in Washington to spread their anti-abortion messages, filled with alternative facts and incorrect findings, with the aim to shame women and take away our control of our own uteruses. President Donald Trump was there, making him the ...read more
Trump Gets Excellent Bill of Health and Women Cannot Stop Laughing
President Donald Trump received an “excellent” bill of health by the White House physician, Dr. Ronny Jackson. We couldn’t have expected anything less than excellent because it’s become common to use superlatives when describing 45 -- at least and especially by 45 himself. ...read more
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Republicans Sign "Just Trust Us" Bill into Law
(WARNING: SATIRE!) Early Tuesday morning Republicans Senate leaders convened a hasty vote on their new “Just Trust Us” bill. Although details of the bill are still sketchy Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell assured the American public that “this is what’s best for everyone. ...read more
Democrats Need to Take a Stand and Shut Down the Government
“What I use in the battle for the mind Hit it hard like it supposed Pulling no blows to the nose” ...read more
Trump Administration Accidentally Appoints Qualified Person
(WARNING: SATIRE) A minor scandal erupted in the Trump White House over the recent hiring of Marcus Greene to the post of Assistant Secretary to the Department of Transportation. Greene is an unusual choice for the Trump administration. A man of Hispanic and African-American ...read more
Legal Battle Erupts Between Hell Inc. and Republican Party Over Moral Low Ground
(WARNING: SATIRE!) Deep into the strike by The International Association of Societal Bar Adjusters Hell, Inc. represented by the law firm of Asmodeus, Baphomet, and Schwartz filed an injunction to prevent the lowering of the Morality Bar any further. “While Hell sympathizes with ...read more
Mueller's Decision to Eat at Applebee's Calls His Prosecutorial Discretion into Question
(WARNING: SATIRE!) Sources reported to the LA Times that Robert Mueller once left a nasty comment card at an Applebee’s restaurant. The card in question was recreated through a second hand retelling from an anonymous source who reportedly had lunch with Mueller, along with ...read more
Republicans Release #DemMeToo in Support Victims of Sexual Harassment by Democratic Leaders
(WARNING: SATIRE! Eh, maybe...) In the first year of the Trump Presidency there hasn't been much in the way of compromise or even to be thankful about. But Republicans are trying to remain positive that bipartisanship is possible. And the issue of Democratic sexual harassment is ...read more
Refusing to Set the GOP's Bar Lower for Roy Moore, Local Union Threatens to Strike
(WARNING: SATIRE! MAYBE!) Wheeling, West Virginia The recent Republican nomination of disgraced former Alabama State Supreme Court Judge Roy Moore has sent shockwaves among political circles. Accused of sexual misconduct by, as of this writing, five women when they were ...read more
Mueller Investigation Forces White House Staffers Take Meetings at Local D.C. Coffee Shops
(SATIRE WARNING: This article has been written with satirical intentions. The Daily Banter only tepidly endorses the rantings and ravings of Frederic Poag. The following should used for comedic purposes only and should only be taken with a grain of salt. Please see your physician ...read more
Trump Taking Manafort Indictment “In Stride” and “Is In No Way Guilty of Anything”
After a day spent in seclusion watching news reports, binging on fast food and mass produced, cream filled, diabetes inducing snacks, President Trump stumbled, wide eyed and manic, into the Tuesday morning White House Press Briefing. Absentmindedly handing over a half eaten box ...read more
Co-Worker Who Had Kushner In Office Indictment Pool Saddened By Manafort Indictment
White House sources leaked early Monday morning that White House Chief of Staff and newly christened “Blue Falcon” military veteran John Kelly was especially distraught at his loss in the White House Indictment Office Pool. Kelly reportedly debated calling in sick after the ...read more
Alternative Reality Zeta 137 President Trump Spends Weekend Geeking Out Over Science
President Donald Trump, 45th President of United States of America in alternate reality Zeta 137, spent the first vacation weekend of his Presidency at Camp David with his family. Sources report the First Family enjoyed the beginnings of fall colors, along with gluten free ...read more
The True Enemies of Press Freedom Have Arrived, and Neither is Named 'Obama'
The New York Times' James Risen is by most accounts an outstanding journalist. But being an accomplished reporter evidently doesn't immunize him from jumping aboard the outrage machine, at one time claiming that President Obama is the worst [you name it] ever. Specifically, two ...read more
This is Not a Joke: Trump's VP Mike Pence Thinks 'Name Calling' Has No Place in Public Life
It has to be a joke. The entire Trump campaign, that is. Given the level of derp on display among the Trump Republicans, how can it not be? In fact, the sheer volume of horrendousness is making it increasingly challenging to compile all of the atrocious dumbness erupting from the ...read more
Trump's Campaign is Such a Disaster, You'll Never Guess Who the GOP Enlisted to Stop the Bleeding
Every day that goes by, more and more political observers are beginning to wonder whether Donald Trump actually wants to win -- whether he's deliberately throwing the contest. While he talks a big game on the stump, his specific remarks, as well as whatever gibberish passes as ...read more
Why Cable News is Enabling the Dangerous Trump Campaign -- And It's Not the Amount of Coverage He's Getting
According to The New York Times, Donald Trump has been gifted $1.8 billion in free media. In other words, cable news has aired the equivalent sum of Trump stories to nearly two-billion in paid advertising. In February alone, Trump received $400 million in free airtime, which is ...read more
Why the Hell Is MSNBC Airing Live Donald Trump Rallies?
You could write a Harry Potter-sized book series on how the media has been screwing the pooch lately, and devote several volumes just to the handling of the Donald Trump campaign, but for the sake of space, please just answer me this: why would a news network devote almost an ...read more
A New GOP Poll Proves Trump Supporters are Mostly Idiots and Racists
It was bad enough that Donald Trump wants to deport 12 million people while subverting the 14th Amendment. It was bad enough that Chris Christie said we should track immigrants like we track FedEx packages. It's bad enough that the GOP outrage machine is running on all cylinders ...read more
Donald Trump is a Sexist Monster and Republicans Who Cheer Him Are Pigs
This is utterly horrific. When Megyn Kelly brutally read Donald Trump back some of his horrendous sexist quotes, including him calling women "fat pigs", "dogs", "slobs" and "disgusting animals", Trump responded by dismissing it. "Only Rosie O'Donnell" he quipped to raucous ...read more
Donald Trump is a Gigantic Idiot
In his battle to remain relevant, Donald Trump is continuing to pump the 'Birther' nonsense by giving the President a deal that he supposedly cannot refuse. The ego maniacal Real Estate developer declared that he would be giving a 'major announcement' today that would ...read more
Mitt Romney Saddles Up to Donald Trump
The Romney camp is offering supporters a chance to “Dine with The Donald,” according to a new fundraising missive. “Donate today and you are eligible for a chance to win: Airport transportation in the Trump vehicle;” a “stay at the Trump International Hotel & Tower New York;” a ...read more