This is an outrage of competence!
They hear you, but only if it's about Democrats
When hypocrisy knows no bounds.
"Two Bros Across Europe Bro!" is the working title for State's 2018 European diplomatic initiative.
The tide has come in. Grab a bucket.
There's not much lower the GOP can go without heading into post-apocalyptic mutant wasteland territory. Or Kansas.
If it's at work then you really shouldn't.
New reports suggest the White House is taking a “free agent” approach to filling open roles in the future, and is allowing qualified participants to try out working there for brief stints next week. Here are a few you can look forward to.
All Hail the Suffragettes Valorium!
Not Much to Chose From Anymore. It's all Reboots Now.
Related: Out of state staffers discover the awesomeness that is Astro Donuts
Is there anything the previous guy didn't screw up?
I'm Sure This is Somehow Hillary Clinton's Fault.
Don't Pull Up for a 3 When You Can Hit the Lay Up
The open robe is now complicit in oppression.
When Hell is More Committed to Ending Sexual Harassment
Women Have Been Trying To Tell Us! We Didn't Listen!
"We Have Top Men On It." - Anonymous Government Official Who Also Dealt with The Ark of the Covenant
"Can't you haters just let me live?! Damn!" - President Trump
In a magical, fantasy world there exists political leaders who aren't complete narcissistic pieces of sh*t
“My man, haven’t you never said some crazy shit when you were blitzed off your ass trying to impress some chick?” - Lirin Car’n, leader of the Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes
Climate Change Affects Everyone
When Your Presidency Is So Awful Teddy Roosevelt Is Ready to Come Out of Retirement
Some realities are better than others. Now if we can just figure out how to get to them without hallucinogenic drugs!
Man tries to put himself in disgraced congressman's shoes in order to empathize with him... Or Patriarchal Conditioning is a Bish to undo. Pick your poison.
A new program aimed at training children to survive a firefight is the NRA's answer to America's school shooting epidemic
What happens when you come up short? Trump vows to become a "bigly" paper towel tossing champion.
Calling Ivanka Trump the most powerful Jewish woman in the country is insane. Or is it?
The nudity is not the worst thing about the statue.
No other nation in the world protects satire from legal action. Not one of the leaders who pretended to march in Sunday's rally in France represent nations where satire is protected speech. This makes living in America a vital component to what I and so many others do for a living.
A guy pretending to be Bill Murray has amassed half a million followers on Twitter. And Twitter as a company has done nothing to stop him.
When you start messing with the Second Amendment, then you got a problem with the Constitution. And if you got a problem with the Constitution, you got a problem with me.
To save the environment, we would have to stop using oil to melt steel, stop charging their iPhone, stop eating asparagus from Spain, and probably not have a holiday this year. That's not going to happen. So more sensibly, we could just move to Mars.
Yes, there are a lot of people who aren't wired to understand satire. It's a shame because satire is really one of the best weapons against hatred and racism. Colbert, who's responsible for some of the most consistently pointed satire in the history of television, is proof of the efficacy of this weapon.
"There are two types of Smurfs. The Smurfs who are named after their personality IE: Vanity Smurf and Jokey Smurf – the happy ones. And the other type who are named what their job is IE: Handy Smurf and Painter Smurf - the ones who have no hope of ever smurfing Smurfette in the Smurf."
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The Onion gave Dan Snyder, owner of the Washington Redskins, a taste of his own medicine by describing him with a series of Jewish stereotypes and slurs, casually referring to him as a "hook-nosed kike" and a "shifty-eyed hebe." Was it vicious and offensive? You bet. Did it make the point it was aiming for? Dead fucking on.