Florida
Florida Madness: Commission Recommends Parkland Teachers Carry Weapons
You can always, always count on the state of Florida to do the wrong thing. From throwing the election to George W. Bush in 2000, to banning government officials from mentioning climate change, the sunshine state has a track record of catastrophic decision making that puts every ...read more
Mitch McConnell's Shameless Op-Ed Totally Backfires
No other Republican has done more damage to the United States than Mitch McConnell. In 2010, before he became Senate Majority Leader, he famously said his party's "top political priority should be to deny President Obama a second term." Once he became Majority Leader, he rammed ...read more
Marco Rubio Claims Democrats Trying To Steal Florida...By Counting Votes?
Marco Rubio was once viewed as a 'moderate' Republican -- a Latino star with the potential to bridge party divide. After he was battered, humiliated and beaten by Donald Trump, Rubio has since revealed his true colors. Having failed spectacularly to stand up to Donald Trump in ...read more
BREAKING: Florida Governor And State Races Likely Headed For Recounts
In the year 2000, a Democratic candidate with the initials "A.G." conceded a close election in Florida only to find that the results were closer than he thought and demanded a recount. Now, 18 years later, a Democratic candidate with the initials "A.G." conceded a close election ...read more
Democrats Could Retake Florida If This Happens
Early voting has been going on in Florida for more than a week now, and the results so far have been strong. Totals in Orange County and Lake County have favored Democrats and surpassed those set during the last midterm cycle in 2014. One million voters have shown up to vote ...read more
Here Are 6 Ways You Can Help In The 2018 Midterms
After Brett Kavanaugh's confirmation, I decided to channel my anger into activism, vowing that for every day from now until the election I would either canvas or phone bank for Democrats and if I couldn't do either of those things, I would just give $5.00 to a candidate I like. ...read more
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Andrew Gillum Crushes Ron DeSantis In Florida Debate
The race between Republican Congressman Ron DeSantis and charismatic, African-American Democrat Andrew Gillum to be the next governor of Florida offers citizens the opportunity not only to reverse 20 years of Republican rule in the Sunshine State but also to elect their ...read more
NBC News Report On Early Voting Is Seriously Flawed
Yesterday, NBC News ran a story that threatened to send fervent election-watchers into a downward spiral. Using data provided by TargetSmart, reporter Adam Edelman and the NBC News Data Analytics Lab said that Republicans were outpacing Democrats in early voting, which is now ...read more
Yes, Global Warming Made Hurricane Michael Much, Much Worse
The awful scenes in Florida this week are yet another reminder that the more damage we do to the earth, the more damage it does to us. While global warming is not directly responsible for Hurricane Michael, the science on this is now clear: the severity of the storm most ...read more
Women Who Support Brett Kavanaugh on CNN Revealed as Republican Operatives
Last Friday, Anderson Cooper 360 aired a panel discussion led by CNN correspondent Randi Kaye where she talked with five Republican women about the allegations made against Judge Brett Kavanaugh by Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. She started out by asking if they believed Kavanaugh ...read more
Florida Is Going to Have Its First Black Governor Because Republican Ron DeSantis Is Dumb
I had never heard the name Ron DeSantis until a little over a month ago when Andrew Gillum won the Democratic nomination to run for Governor of Florida. DeSantis, Gillum's Republican opponent, decided it would be a good idea to go on national TV and say, out loud, that Florida ...read more
Blue Wave Update: Florida Democrat Annihilates Republican In Special Election With Stunning 50 Point Victory
Lost in the news between Trump threatening World War III and Paul Ryan slinking away from Congress like the spineless coward he is was yet another brutal Republican loss in yet another special election: State Rep. Lori Berman (D) has handily defeated Tami Donnally (R) to replace ...read more
HA Goodman, Donald Trump, And Why Mental Health Can't Predict Shooters
Having researched the cesspool of the far left for almost two years now, there's few among its ranks more repugnant than HA Goodman. Formerly a contributor at Salon and The Huffington Post, Goodman wrote hundreds of misleading pieces claiming that Hillary Clinton would be ...read more
Parents Must Now Stop Sending Their Children To School Until The Government Acts on Guns
After 17 children were slaughtered at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, by former student Nikolas Cruz, parents in America must now take matters into their own hands. There is now no other way. With shooting after shooting after shooting, it is ...read more
Heavily Armed Pedophile Vowing "Bloody Revenge" Against School Children Released On $20K Bond
Last week, a Muslim man was arrested during a child porn raid in Dunedin, Florida. During the raid, the police found in this man's closet 20 guns, thousands of rounds of ammunition, knives, bombs, bomb making materials, and aerial photos of a Tampa-area elementary school, middle ...read more
Rush Limbaugh Declares Hurricane Irma #FakeNews, Evacuates Florida Anyway
You really couldn't make this up (via The Daily Beast): Rush Limbaugh will evacuate his South Florida residence in advance of Hurricane Irma, despite his previous claims that the news media had intentionally overhyped the storm to boost ratings and gin up fear about climate ...read more
Florida Police Arrest an Austistic 10-Year-Old Because America is a Broken Country
Back in November of 2016, John Benji Haygood, an autistic 10-year-old, kicked a teacher. Six months later, the police showed up to arrest him, putting him in handcuffs and taking him away in the back of a police cruiser. As the parent of an autistic 9-year-old (as of this coming ...read more
Marco Rubio Evicted From Office Building After He Chickens Out Of Town Hall Meetings
For weeks, Florida Senator Marco Rubio has been dodging requests from constituents to hold a town hall meeting. His refusal to speak to the people who he serves has become such a problem that Floridians have taken missing person ads in local papers, stapled signs to telephone ...read more
Trump Continues His War on Women by Harassing Female NBC Reporter
Donald Trump continued his despicable assault on the press on Wednesday during a rally in Florida. The Republican presidential nominee singled out NBC reporter Katy Tur, again, in another one of his "dishonest media" rants at the Miami event. Trump accused the press, ...read more
Florida's Death Penalty Ruled Unconstitutional For The Second Time This Year
For the second time in less than a year, Florida lawmakers are being forced to rewrite the state's death penalty law after a court has ruled it unconstitutional. On Friday, the Florida Supreme Court struck down a provision of the law that allows the "majority" of a jury to ...read more
Hero Federal Judge Slaps Down Florida Governor's Attempt To Disenfranchise Voters
On Monday, Florida Governor Rick Scott's latest attempt to disenfranchise voters was thwarted by a federal court judge and the governor was reprimanded for his "irrational" decision. Last week, Hurricane Matthew ripped through Northwest Florida causing flooding, government ...read more
Scumbag Rick Scott Actually Released an Attack Ad Against the Woman Who Shouted at Him at Starbucks
Just in case you weren't sure whether Florida governor and evil alien overlord Rick Scott was a special kind of horrible, he's apparently all too happy to step in and prove it to you. By now you've probably seen the viral clip from earlier in the week that showed Scott being run ...read more
Banter M Issue 44: It's All Over But The Drowning, You Say Establishment, I Say Establishment, Bernie Sanders' Sandy Hook Problem
In this week's issue of Banter M: It's All Over But The Drowning - Chez Pazienza writes about the prospect of his hometown Miami succumbing to rising water levels due to catastrophic climate change, and wonders how his now oblivious seven year old daughter will navigate a planet ...read more
Why the Rick Scott Verbal Thrashing Is So Satisfying (Because He Really Is an A**hole)
By now you've probably seen it and if you have, it brightened your day. If you've seen it and you happen to live in Florida, well, you probably stood up and cheered. In a clip that went viral almost immediately after it hit the internet, Florida governor, corporate criminal and ...read more
Florida Man Throws Alligator into Restaurant Because Florida is F*cking Crazy
In the latest installment of what completely insane thing happened in Florida this week, we have a story that potentially tops them all. Forget the fact that government officials can’t use the word ‘climate change’ because it is ‘not a true fact‘, it is legal to shoot unarmed ...read more
Ben Shapiro Wins Asshole Tweet of the Year Award
No doubt suffering from years of getting his ass kicked in high school, conservative child-man Ben Shapiro is renown for taking his frustrations out on anyone he perceives as being weaker than he is -- namely poor people, women and minorities. However, Shapiro outdid himself ...read more
Only in Florida: Man Eaten By Alligator While Hiding From Police in a Lake
Continuing our never ending series covering batshit crazy things that could only happen in Florida, this week it was confirmed that Matthew Riggins, 22, was killed by an alligator while hiding in a lake from police in Barefoot Bay last month. Riggins and another man had ...read more
Florida Senate Candidate Says He Killed a Goat and Drank Its Blood, Because Of Course
By now it's pretty much common knowledge that Florida is the most batshit lunatic place on earth, so with that in mind, let me tell you a little story. It's from early in my career when I was working for WSVN in Miami and it involves a Santeria priest, a live goat and a room ...read more
Only in Florida: Puppy Shoots Man Trying to Shoot it
There are certain places on earth where the normal laws of physics and biology don't seem to apply to human society. The Bermuda Triangle, Area 51, the healing Grotto of Bernadette at Lourdes in France are all mythical places where bizarre happenings reportedly occur. If one ...read more
Florida Governor Scrubs Memorandum Clearing Planned Parenthood of Wrongdoing
Yes, when the facts don't work in your favor, by all means just bury the evidence. Republican governor and hairless Middle-earth cave-dweller Rick Scott was so thoroughly butthurt to discover that state investigators failed to find any wrongdoing on behalf of Planned Parenthood ...read more
This Week in Florida Crazy: The Invasion of Flesh Eating Bacteria
As if Florida wasn't suffering enough from face eating zombies, climate change denying politicians, KKK prison guards, and deadly snake kissing morons, a flesh-eating deadly bacteria has been found in Florida beaches that is activated by warm weather. Reports the Palm Beach ...read more
Florida Man Does Something Unbelievably Stupid With a Deadly Snake
Following our unofficial our unofficial series 'Florida does something really, really stupid', this week someone in the sunshine state did something so mind bogglingly stupid it makes the banning of the term 'climate change' seem like a stroke of genius. No, it wasn't a flesh ...read more
This Week in News Proves Florida is Certifiably Insane
There are a few places on planet earth where human culture has morphed into something so bizarre that visiting aliens would likely pack up their spaceships and head back home to Ursa Minor Beta. Places like North Korea, Saudi Arabia and Somalia spring to mind - deeply repressive ...read more
Florida Banned Use of 'Climate Change' Because Florida is F*cking Stupid
Florida, the state where it is legal to shoot unarmed black people, real life cannibal zombies eat peoples' faces, and grown men shoot themselves in the balls because guns, it shouldn't come as a surprise that the state officials are not allowed to officially acknowledge climate ...read more
Just How Corrupt Is Florida Governor Rick Scott?
It's the million dollar question: Exactly how corrupt is Florida Governor Rick Scott? The answer may be "beyond our wildest dreams." A new lawsuit brought by former Democratic candidate for state attorney general George Sheldon claims that Scott has failed to disclose about ...read more
The Florida State Holiday Display Has Been Totally Hijacked By Satanists and Assorted Weirdos
(Photo: Democrat Files) He's big and red and, if you've been bad, he's bringing you something you're really not going to like. This Christmas, Satan Claus is coming to town, or at least to Tallahassee (which is kind of like hell anyway). Last week, possibly the greatest ...read more
Here's the Entire "Satanic Children's Big Book of Activities" To Make Your Day
Yesterday we told you about a plan by the Satanic Temple to pass out materials to Orange County, Florida students in response to a local Christian group that's been allowed to do the same. For the uninitiated, the Satanic Temple is quite possibly the greatest ongoing troll ...read more
Satanism Is Coming To Florida Schools Because Christian Zealots are Dumb
Conservative Christianity and education just don't mix. There's nothing more antithetical to Bronze Age superstition -- the kind of thing that's proudly ignorant and defiantly resistant to logic and reason -- than actually learning how the world works. At their best, ...read more
The Florida Brochure Your Travel Agent Won't Show You
Oh, Florida. Americans love to hate on it, but the truth is we love it. It's like the crazy uncle our mom hates because he gave us cigarettes when we were 11. Or a beloved three-legged family dog that can't stop chasing its own tail. Either way, you should know what you're ...read more
Even LeBron's Return To Cleveland Isn't Immune From Being Politicized
Yes, America, apparently everything is a partisan political issue, as two very different reactions to LeBron James' decision to leave the Miami Heat to return to the Cleveland Cavaliers demonstrate. The hot story on Friday was the tenterhooked anticipation of the NBA ...read more
Crazy Florida Tackles Non-Crisis: Kids Who Are Unfairly Punished for Pop Tart Guns
Over the weekend, Twitchy.com and Michelle Malkin blasted President Obama for ordering an investigation into the very serious issue of the dwindling bee population, noting that he should probably be focused on more important things like the never-ending tensions in the Middle ...read more
Florida Judge Sentences Lawyer To No Fewer Than One Ass-Kicking
Over the last several years, we as a nation have come to know -- quite intimately -- law and order as it is practiced in the state of Florida. There was the overly emotional judge who broke down during the Anna Nicole Smith custody hearing; the trials of Ted Bundy, during one of ...read more
From 9/11 To Common Core To Benghazi: Why Right-Wingers Love A Good Conspiracy Theory
No single ideology holds a monopoly on wacky beliefs, unless you count ‘crazy’ as an ideology. But when it comes to the subset of wacky beliefs commonly known as anti-government conspiracy theories, it’s no accident that the American right embraces them with much greater ...read more
Quote of the Day: Well, Since You Put It That Way...
“We don’t go around committing hate crimes. We don’t beat up on faggots or black people or burn crosses or any of that nonsense.” -- A Florida man, of course, identified only as "Mr. Hayes" on why he feels should be able to fly both the Confederate and KKK flags outside his ...read more
The Poag Clarification: Don’t Take Your Guns to Town
These are general responses to a few paraphrased comments from my previous column. A big thanks to everyone who read and left comments. It is much appreciated, even if I disagree with you. “Damn you’re insane! You shouldn’t be carrying a gun!” First, I didn’t kill anyone. I ...read more
WATCH: Patton Oswalt's Idea for the State Flag of Florida
My girlfriend and I were lucky enough to recently catch Patton Oswalt at a tiny show he does here in L.A. every once in a while strictly for the purpose of testing out new material. One of the rough jokes we and the rest of the crowd laughed hardest at had to do with his idea ...read more
Guess Who Finally Got His Guns Taken Away?
Fourth time's the charm, I guess. After shooting and killing an unarmed teenager, being accused of getting into an armed confrontation with his ex-wife, and apparently leaving a bullet-riddled target in the ex's house as a not-so-subtle warning, George Zimmerman finally met a ...read more
One Week and Two Tragedies
I am of course referring to the Travyon Martin decision and the untimely death of Cory Monteith. Now, it could be because I have been under the weather but both have me emotional today. First the case of George Zimmerman. Why did the "stand your ground" law apply to him and ...read more
If You Consider Yourself a Dem, You Need to Watch this Video (If You Have Not Already, to Not is Dem Malpractice).
Do you watch Morning Joe? You should start. Congressman Peter King (R-NY) just called out Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) big time for coming out against aid for Sandy victims. He has done this before and has been rebuked by the GOP House leadership but he remains really, really, ...read more
Obamacare and You
The Affordable Care Act (ACA), otherwise known as Obamacare turns three today. Many of the provisions will go into effect in January 2014 and you may be unsure about how this may impact your coverage. Some states have seen insurance companies increase their premiums and you ...read more