Do you think liberals are smug and insufferable? Do you find our know it all attitude irritating? Do you wish we would stop lecturing people on why they’re wrong with all of our verifiable facts and data? Do you think we’re just as much to blame for the sad state of political discourse in America as the right?
Well, fuck you. You’re an asshole.
I’m sorry, was that offensive? Allow me to apologize: You’re not an asshole. You’re a fucking imbecile and you, yes, you, are the direct cause of the absolute mess this country is in.
How can that be, you ask? You’re not an angry partisan, right? You don’t get into fights on Facebook or Twitter because it’s beneath you, yes? Instead you read the New York Times and nod your head sagely as writers like Katherine Mangu-Ward blithely blurt out pablum like this:
Modern American political discourse can seem disjointed to the point of absurdism. But the problem isn’t just filter bubbles, echo chambers or alternative facts. It’s tone: When the loudest voices on the left talk about people on the right as either beyond the pale or dupes of their betters, it is with an air of barely concealed smugness. Right-wingers, for their part, increasingly respond with a churlish “Oh, yeah? Hold my beer,” and then double down on whatever politically incorrect sentiment brought on the disdain in the first place.
These two terrible tendencies now feed off each other, growing stronger every day: the more smugness, the more satisfying it is to poke holes in it; the more toxic the trolling, the greater the sense of moral superiority. The result: an odoriferous stew of political rhetoric that is nearly irresistible to those on the inside and confusingly abhorrent to those on the outside.
Clearly, as a person above the fray that didn’t dirty yourself with petty fighting, you can’t possibly be to blame. You just rolled your eyes whenever a liberal called the right “fascists” or “Nazis” because they were just being hyperbolic. Sure, the right may be a little racist but come on, it’s not like they salute Hitler or anything, right?
It’s weird, though, isn’t it? That all the stuff we smug know it all jerks on the left have been saying for years is actually happening? What? Did you not notice the white nationalists marching and throwing Nazi salutes all over the country? Did you not see how quick the president and the right wing media was to embrace them? It’s kind of hard to miss, even way up there above the fray.
But, hey, the left is just as bad, right? Mangu-Ward certainly seems to think so:
Some of the people abandoning standard labels are liable to make things worse by racing to the bottom — think “the dirtbag left” of the “Chapo Trap House” podcast or even the alt-right.
You may not be familiar with Chapo Trap House. They’re the very worst of the far left, spouting hatred for Hillary Clinton, the Democratic Party and anyone they deem unworthy of their Bernie worship. What they don’t do is worship “The Turner Diaries” and its central premise of a race war that ends in genocide for everyone not white, Christian and heterosexual. That would be the alt-right Mangu-Ward is directly comparing CTH to.
So, to be clear, in your fantasy world of ultimate false equivalence, being an obnoxious asshole is exactly the same as being a genocidal Nazi. Are you starting to understand why you’re the asshole responsible for the problems in America yet? No? Allow me to give you an example:
A right wing candidate runs on a platform that everyone has to eat two live gerbils because Jesus said so. The left wing candidate smugly says that eating live gerbils is cruel and inhumane and then drones on for 20 minutes about gerbil rights and not eating meat.
You, being the fucking imbecile you are, get bored listening to the smug liberal and whine about how annoying he is. You wander off to watch The Real Housewives of Trailer Park Trash and don’t bother voting because “both sides are the same”. The right winger get elected and forces a law through that splits the difference. Now you have to eat one live gerbil.
Boy, you sure showed that smug liberal, didn’t ya? How’s that gerbil taste, you fucking imbecile?
That’s ridiculous, you say? No one is going to pass a law making me eat a gerbil, you cry! But Republican have repealed laws that stopped corporations from pouring all kinds of fun poisons into your food, your air, your water, and your everything imaginable. By the time they’re done, eating that gerbil is going to start looking pretty fucking good by comparison. But the left was too smug and annoying to listen to so screw those guys, right?
You know why liberals are so fucking smug all the time? Because we’re almost always right. And when we’re wrong, we fix our shit like grown ups and make it better. We’re so smug because we tell you over and over that listening to right wingers will always lead to disaster and when it always does, you bitch and moan about awful everything is.
Did you think we weren’t going to say “We fucking told you so”?
But don’t worry, as soon as your done reading this, the cognitive dissonance will set back in and you’ll go right back to believing that this article is just as offensive as a right winger calling for the murder of all black people and Jews. After all, both sides are the same, right?
You fucking imbecile.
I’m a stay at home dad, father to a special needs son and a special daughter, a donor baby daddy, a militantly pragmatic liberal, the president of the PTA, a hardcore geek and nerd and I’m going to change the world. Or at least my corner of it.