President With Zero Legislative Victories Believes He Can Solve Middle East Conflict

Having failed to enact every single major pledge he made on the campaign trail in his first 100 days in office, Donald Trump is now claiming that he could facilitate peace in the Middle East because it is “not as difficult as people have thought”. 

In a meeting with Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas, Trump stated that he would play middle man in any negotiations with the Israelis. 

“I will do whatever is necessary to facilitate the agreement, to mediate, to arbitrate ― anything they’d like to do,” he said. “But I would love to be a mediator or an arbitrator or a facilitator. And we will get this done.”

Speaking to Abbas in the Cabinet Room, he continued: 

“Let’s see if we can find the solution. It’s something that I think is, frankly, maybe not as difficult as people have thought over the years. We need two willing parties. We believe Israel is willing. We believe you’re willing. And if you are willing, we are going to make a deal.”

The notion that Trump — a president with the worst first 100 days in office on record — can fix one of the most complicated geo political problem in human history is perhaps one of the most unintentionally hilarious propositions of his presidency. The fact that he hired his 36 year old real estate investor son-in-law to be the United State’s peace envoy to the Middle East tells you all you need to know about his amazing claim: It is complete fantasy and about as likely as Trump handing over power to Hillary Clinton and confessing he never wanted to be president in the first place. 

Let’s quickly review his first 100 days in office. As David Leonhardt at the NYTimes remarked

Trump has made no significant progress on any major legislation. His health care bill is a zombie. His border wall is stalled. He’s only now releasing basic principles of a tax plan. Even his executive order on immigration is tied up in the courts. By contrast, George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan had made substantial progress toward passing tax cuts, and Barack Obama had passed, among other things, a huge stimulus bill that also addressed education and climate policy.

On top of this, he remains the least popular president in polling history, is bogged down by more scandals than any other administration in history (he’s being investigated by the F.B.I for possible collusion with the Russian government during the election for christ’s sake), is incapable of speaking in fully formed, coherent sentences and literally runs away from reporters when he doesn’t like their questions. Trump hasn’t even finished staffing his administration having made only 50 nominations to fill the top 553 positions of the executive branch so far. 

Conflict in the Middle East? No problem! 

God save us all….

Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.

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