We’re Bombing Countries When Ivanka Trump Gets Sad Now

In the immediate aftermath of Donald Trump’s airstrike on Syria that accomplished nothing, one of the more pressing mysteries has been why Trump suddenly gave a rat’s ass about people he’s still actively banning from seeking refuge in the United States. And don’t be fooled by the administration’s latest talking point that the Syrian people want to stay in Syria and get bombed to shit. Although, kudos to Trump’s team for actually having a talking point. That must’ve been a big day for them. Anyway, as evidenced by the fun, new internet game of finding old Trump tweets that contradict literally every position he’s taken since becoming president, Trump was decidedly against intervening in Syria. (It’s also no small thing that Russia is deeply involved with Assad.) But then two days after a chemical attack in Syria — which was not the first, and certainly won’t be the last — America’s favorite yam in a bad toupee began poetically mourning the death of beautiful little babies and calling them “children of God” in what has to be the first overtly religious comment this president has ever made.

And while the conventional wisdom is probably correct that Trump saw pictures on TV and acted impulsively — he “moved on it like a bitch,” you might say — Eric Trump has added a disturbing new dimension to the motives behind an airstrike that killed civilians instead of attempting to disable the airfield they had the misfortune of living near. And keep in mind, this isn’t another anonymous White House source, of which there are plenty with tales of dysfunction, but the president’s own son. 

From NBC News:

Trump’s 33-year-old son, Eric, told The Daily Telegraph on Monday that the strike was influenced in part by Ivanka, who he said was “heartbroken and outraged” by the chemical attack.

“Ivanka is a mother of three kids and she has influence,” Eric Trump said, speaking with the newspaper at Trump Turnberry golf resort in Ayrshire, Scotland. “I’m sure she said, ‘Listen, this is horrible stuff.’ My father will act in times like that.”

Setting aside the very public and well-documented comments Donald Trump has made about wanting to have sex with Ivanka, even though it wouldn’t be entirely inappropriate to imply those comments are a factor, I want you to try and imagine Republican reactions if they found out that one of Obama’s daughter not only joined his staff despite having zero political experience whatsoever, but was also influencing him to order military strikes whenever she experienced female emotions. Throw in the sex stuff, and we’d probably be looking at an armed coup right now.

Instead, even members of the GOP who were calling for investigations into Trump’s ties to Russia, are still worshipping at the feet of bombing the shit out of Muslims under the thinly-veiled illusion of pretending to care about Muslims. Because, let’s be real, for Republicans this isn’t about the use of chemical weapons, or the lives of innocent civilians, it’s about flexing the muscles of America’s military might for whatever reason. That’s their bread and butter, and if you hadn’t noticed, the press couldn’t trip over itself fast enough to declare Trump’s action as “presidential” even if almost every facet of the strike has become another clusterfuck that, like all things, leads back to Russia. But more to the point, most Republicans are already terrified of alienating Trump voters when he’s demonstrably proving himself to be unfit to govern, so there’s no way in hell they’re going to put their neck on the line when he’s getting blown by the mainstream press for firing off a few rockets that, again, accomplished nothing outside of potentially lining Trump’s pockets and apparently scoring points with his own daughter.

So because I’m trying to offer solutions instead of painting a grim picture of our imminent deaths, which is getting way too easy, here’s what you need to do: Vote the fuckers out. Stop arguing over Hillary and Bernie, and get to the goddamn polls in the midterms. These people won’t keep the president in check. We’re allowed to hire someone who will. And hopefully before Republicans nominate another Supreme Court justice who probably saw the United Airlines video and sprung a capitalist boner to the moon.

Check out the latest edition of Banter M where Bob Cesca takes Matt Taibbi to task for dropping the ball on Russia gate, Ben Cohen ruins Pepsi for being corporate douchebags, and Justin Rosario explores the dangerously diverging political ideologies in America. It’s worth every penny.