Jared Kushner Is Responsible For Peace In The Middle East, Just FYI

Early last week, news broke that Donald Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner would be tasked with a multitude of responsibilities that sound a hell of a lot like the president was outsourcing his entire job to the kid sleeping with his favorite daughter. On top of those responsibilities, Kushner also promised to make the government run more efficiently, “like a business.” Needless to say, barrels of digital ink were spilled — and rightly so — over the obviously stupid on its face notion that the United States government should operate like a corporation. A notion, that not even a week before this latest kitchen fire, was already exposed as shitastically inhumane when Trump administration officials publicly bemoaned not seeing “results” from feeding the elderly and poverty-stricken schoolchildren. Sure, we fed the least among us, but where’s that ROI, bruh?

However, lost in the understandable mix to explain why our government shouldn’t be run like a Quiznos was a terrifying nugget that immediately jumped out at me in Politico’s latest report on how White House officials have zero confidence in Kushner accomplishing anything because, like his father-in-law, he has the attention span of a gnat on coke:

Kushner, the president’s 36-year-old son-in-law and White House senior adviser, does essentially what he wants, having the benefit of not only Trump’s ear but — as a family member — his implicit trust.

That trust has resulted in a vast portfolio that so far includes negotiating an Israeli-Palestinian peace deal, helping oversee relations with Canada, China and Mexico and, as of this week, reinventing the federal government through the new White House Office of American Innovation.

But Kushner’s status as the big-issue guru has stoked resentment among his colleagues, who question whether Kushner is capable of following through on his various commitments. And some colleagues complain that his dabbling in myriad issues and his tendency to walk in and out of meetings have complicated efforts to instill more order and organization into the chaotic administration. These people also say Kushner can be a shrewd self promoter, knowing how to take credit — and shirk blame — whenever it suits him.

“He’s saving the government and the Middle East at the same time,” one senior administration official quipped.

I’m sorry. Did that just say Jared Kushner is literally responsible for negotiating peace in the Middle East? There’s no way in hell that’s right. Except here it is in the original White House announcement from Reuters:

Kushner has been a regular presence at his father-in-law’s side and was earlier cleared by the Justice Department to serve as a White House senior adviser even as Democrats raised concerns about potential conflicts of interest.

He has been given a wide range of domestic and foreign policy responsibilities, including working on a Middle East peace deal. He will continue to serve in the other roles even as he takes up the new duties, the White House said.

Jesus fucking Christ. I know America has had some horribly inept presidents in our day, but I can’t think of one that was so blatantly incompetent that his actual solution to a situation steeped in thousands of intricacies and nuance, like the Middle East, is making his son-in-law take a look at it as if it’s a goddamn broken printer. Then again, we’re dealing with an insane megalomaniac who hasn’t met a nuclear war he won’t bring the world to the brink of every time he opens his sepia tone anus-mouth. Via CNN:

“If China is not going to solve North Korea, we will,” Trump told the Financial Times.

Asked to clarify if he believed the US could solve the problem without China, Trump said: “totally.”

We are all going to die. Totally.