Don’t Let Trump’s Armed “Poll Watcher” Good Squad Intimidate You

This election promises to be one of the ugliest and dirtiest elections in decades. Trump has spent months whipping his already rabid followers into a frothing rage about “voter fraud”. It’s all bullshit, of course; in person voter fraud is statistically nonexistent. But that reality won’t stop Trump’s neo-Brown Shirts from carrying out the actual point of Trump’s fearmongering: Intimidating minority voters.

“I’ll look for… well, it’s called racial profiling,” one Trump supporter told the Boston Globe last month during a rally in Cincinnati. “Mexicans. Syrians. People who can’t speak American. I’m going to go right up behind them. I’ll do everything legally. I want to see if they are accountable. I’m not going to do anything illegal—I’m going to make them a little nervous.”  

Even more of Trump’s goons are looking forward to bringing a gun to the polling place. They’ll ostentatiously wear their little penis enhancer on their hip or sling their long barrel phallus on their back and hope that the mere site of them will send people into a panic. And maybe, just maybe, a few of Hillary’s voters will leave the polling place without exercising their constitutional right to vote.

But here’s the thing about Trump supporters: They’re absolute cowards. If they had any intestinal fortitude, they wouldn’t be Trump supporters in the first place. They carry guns because they’re afraid of their own shadows. They’re afraid of you, Hillary voter, because you represent a future where bitter white men are not the center of American politics anymore and that terrifies them.

So when you see these cowards at your polling place tomorrow, don’t sweat it; they’re not going to do a damn thing. Smile, vote and then flash them your little “I voted” sticker. It’ll be a slap in their face and there’s not a damn thing they can do about it.

I’m a stay at home dad, father to a special needs son and a special daughter, a donor baby daddy, a militantly pragmatic liberal, the president of the PTA, a hardcore geek and nerd and I’m going to change the world. Or at least my corner of it.