“I know this response to Sean Hannity is a little raw, but as someone with epilepsy, I hope my editors will let this slip through: Fuck you, Sean. Your willingness to deceive your viewers—to degrade those of us with epilepsy, to suggest something is a seizure when it looks nothing like one, to leave people dumber about this condition—is unforgivable. What kind of seizure do you think it was, Sean? Jacksonian? Tonic-clonic? Atonic? Complex-partial? You have no idea, do you Sean? You don’t even know what any of that means. You just used spat it out, and in the process made the lives of tens of millions of people who deal with this condition on a daily basis just a little more dangerous and a little more unpleasant.” — Newsweek’s Kurt Eichenwald in an article subtly titled, “Sean Hannity: Apologize To Those with Epilepsy or Burn in Hell”
It’s not easy being Sean Hannity these days. I mean, it’s not easy being Sean Hannity most days given that his hairline is in fact about two inches below his eyes and his brain doesn’t create enough power to allow him to speak coherently and perform basic motor functions at the same time, but it’s been really rough over the past couple of weeks. First, there was his own one-man Medici family, Roger Ailes, getting the boot from Fox News, potentially, at long last, leaving him at the whim of people who can actually see that he’s a two-bit hack and a drain on the network. Then, maybe as the result of the stress of that development, there was his comically unhinged rant at Jon Stewart, a cultural and political icon who seemed to step back into the ring one more time just to needle Hannity into doing something predictably stupid. Then, of course, there’s the richly deserved amount of shit Hannity’s taken recently for being the combination dupe-slash-mouthpiece for every ridiculous brand of Donald Trump conspiracy theory.
Two weeks ago it was Trump’s absurd and inflammatory claims that the upcoming election would be rigged against him. Hannity not only bit down on that nonsense like a bass, as you’d expect from someone as unimaginatively unable to think for himself or otherwise form an opinion that isn’t 100% officially sanctioned by whoever sits at the top of the Republican party, he refused to demand even the tiniest bit of evidence of it before parroting it to his audience of reactionary dunces. CNN’s Brian Stelter called him out for it, for which he earned another rambling Twitter diatribe from Hannity himself (because that seems to be the only way “lumpy” can communicate these days). Now, however, comes Hannity’s championing of the horseshit, morally bankrupt theory that a recent video clip of Hillary Clinton jokingly making odd head motions may prove she suffers from seizures. Stelter also called him out for that this weekend, but as you can see, Kurt Eichenwald really held nothing back.
In a positively scathing op-ed, Eichenwald pounds Hannity into a fine paste, writing, “If Hannity stopped vomiting up falsehoods, his program would be nothing but a test pattern. From him and the others in the ‘Who cares if it’s false?’ conservative media camp, we have heard over the decades that Hillary and Bill Clinton murdered many people, that the Bush administration found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, that Obama could be on the verge of declaring martial law, and on and on. They are pretend journalists pumping out propaganda to scared, foolish people.” Hannity hasn’t responded yet, but you can be sure it’s coming, likely on Twitter and likely in the form of a fusillade of angry insults, because while four-letter-words can be highly useful in the service of a genuinely astute thought, Hannity is mentally capable of nothing of the sort.
No, it’s going to be more of the same from lumpy. And by that I mean not only will Hannity continue to respond to his absolutely righteous critics with the same tedious phony outrage, he’ll continue to be the bullhorn to which Trump can place his puckered-asshole lips and hear his own voice come out across Fox News and talk radio. Because that’s the thing with Hannity. Since he doesn’t have opinions of his own, he has no choice but to be a mindless echo for others’.