Appearing from underneath Stephen Colbert’s on the Late Show last night, America’s most beloved comedian and political commentator Jon Stewart returned to prime time television to lay waste to Donald Trump, his supporters, and Sean Hannity — and all in one breathless monologue.
“The Republicans appear to have a very clear plan for America,” said the slightly disheveled looking Stewart to rapacious applause. “They articulated it throughout the convention. One: jail your political opponent. Two: inject Rudy Giuliani with a speedball and a Red Bull enema. And then three: spend the rest of the time scaring the holy bejesus out of everybody.”
Stewart proceeded to dissect the “gymnastics” he was looking forward to seeing conservatives attempt to perform in supporting Trump — a man who represents almost everything they have railed against in Obama (the President is apparently divisive, narcissistic, elite, and so on).
Referring to Sean Hannity as “Lumpy”, Stewart used the brainless Fox News presenter as the embodiment of conservative hypocrisy. And boy was it glorious.
“Either Lumpy and friends are lying about being bothered by thin-skinned, authoritarian, less-than-Christian readers-of-prompter being president,” said Stewart. “Or, they don’t care, as long as it’s their thin-skinned prompter authoritarian tyrant narcissist.”
Stewart then unleashed hell on Trump’s supporters:
You just want that person to give you your country back, because you feel that you are this country’s rightful owners. There’s only one problem with that: This country isn’t yours. You don’t own it. It never was. There is no real America. You don’t own it. You don’t own patriotism. You don’t own Christianity. You sure as hell don’t own respect for the bravery and sacrifice of military, police and firefighters. Trust me. I saw a lot of people on the convention floor in Cleveland with their Blue Lives Matter rhetoric, who either remained silent or actively fought against the 9/11 first responders bill reauthorization. I see you, and I see your bullshit. I see it!
Watch the whole segment below:
Can you come back for good Jon? If ever your country needed you, it is now.
Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.