Surprise! Donald Trump Picks a Christian Conservative White Male as Running Mate!

In a shocking twist of events, Donald Trump has chosen a Christian conservative, white male as his running mate for the presidential ticket this November! 

While Trump is still yet to officially announce his VP pick, it has been corroborated by several media outlets and the pick is a near certainty. 

Who is this wild card candidate? None other than Indiana Governor and self described “Rush Limbaugh on decaf” Mike Pence. Reported the Indy Star just hours ago:

Gov. Mike Pence is dropping his re-election bid in Indiana to become Donald Trump’s running mate.

IndyStar has confirmed that Trump plans to announce Pence as his selection for vice president, ending a weeks-long vice presidential casting call during which Trump vetted a handful of high-profile Republicans.

Trump’s pick was calculated to reassure the GOP that he is prepared to play nice with the party and not rock the boat too much in the general election — a smart move if he wants the infrastructure he desperately needs to take on a well oiled Clinton campaign and united Democratic party. 

Pence is a conservative’s conservative, with impeccable right wing credentials that consist of cutting taxes at every opportunity, opposing gay marriage, crusading against women’s rights and LGBT issues, and injecting his fundamentalist christian beliefs into politics whenever possible. He will bolster Trump’s conservative credentials, despite the orange haired mogul having laid waste to the party over the past few months. 

However, while Trump’s pick is shrewd when it comes to gaining conservative support, it does him absolutely no favors when it comes to young people, women, Latinos and African Americans, and the LGBT community. In other words, he conformed to the ancient Republican strategy that stopped working dramatically after Obama got elected in 2008. 

Of course there weren’t exactly Latinos, women and African Americans lining up for the job, but picking a man who’s major claim to fame was signing a “religious freedom” bill into law that would have allowed business owners to ban LGBT customers based on their religion isn’t exactly inspiring for a new generation of potential Republican voters.

But as the polls are increasingly showing, Trump is screwed anyway, so it makes no difference who he picks. 

Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.