Man Who Found Scalia’s Body Got an ‘Obama Award’ So Of Course Obama Murdered Scalia

And so it begins. Don’t you know that the big news on the right is that Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was “Found Dead With ‘Pillow Over Head,'” and somehow, Obama was “coincidentally” linked to the man who found said body with pillow over head? A Drudge item linked to a San Antonio express-News article revealed a catnip detail about  discovery of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s body, dead of an apparent heart attack:

“We discovered the judge in bed, a pillow over his head. His bed clothes were unwrinkled,” said ( Cibolo Creek Ranch owner) Poindexter.

“He was lying very restfully. It looked like he had not quite awakened from a nap,” he said.

Scalia,79, did not have a pulse and his body was cold, and after consulting with a doctor at a hospital in Alpine, Poindexter concluded resuscitation would have been futile, He then contacted federal authorities, at first encountering a series of answering services because he was calling on a weekend.

From there, Gateway Pundit took things to eleven by blaring “BREAKING=> Justice Scalia Found Dead WITH PILLOW OVER HIS HEAD at Ranch Owned by Obama Award Winner.”

Like you, I was unaware of the “Obama Awards” show, where the New Black Panthers win “Best Ensemble” and the Best Picture award always goes to “The Whitey Tape.” Cue the #ObamaAwardsSoWhite hashtag.

As it turns out, Mr. Poindexter did get an award from President Obama, and here’s the smoking gun video to prove it:

The fog of war makes a full accounting impossible. But this much we know. Among the many casualties that day, some 20 members of Alpha Troop were wounded. And at least two made the ultimate sacrifice — their names now among the many etched in that black granite wall not far from here. But because of that service, that sacrifice, Alpha Troop completed its mission. It rescued Charlie Company. It saved those 100 American soldiers, some of who join us today. And those soldiers went on to have families — children and grandchildren who also owe their lives to Alpha Troop.

Now, some may wonder: After all these years, why honor this heroism now? The answer is simple. Because we must. Because we have a sacred obligation. As a nation, we have an obligation to this troop. Their actions that day went largely unnoticed — for decades — until their old captain, John Poindexter, realized that their service had been overlooked. He felt that he had a right to wrong. And so he spent years tracking down his troopers and gathering their stories, filing reports, fighting for the Silver Stars and Bronze Stars they deserved and bringing us to this day.

Thank you, John.

Brilliant! President Obama traveled back in time to 1942 to establish the award, then raced Back to the Futore to give it to Poindexter under the understanding that if any conservative Supreme Court justices ever showed up at his ranch, could Poindexter please MURDER THEM?

This is just the beginning, so let’s all laugh now before it starts to hurt.