Keeping up with the revolting things Donald Trump says on the campaign trail is like monitoring a new born baby’s excretion habits: it never, ever stops.
And just when you thought the Donald couldn’t offend [insert minority group here] anymore than he already has, he upped the ante and decided to attack Hillary Clinton by telling a raucous crowd of fellow dimwits that President Obama “schlonged” her in the 2008 election (slang for getting dick-slapped), then attacked her for going to the toilet. “Where did Hillary go?” Trump said to the crowd in reference to the Democratic debate. “They had to start the debate without her. … I know where she went. It’s disgusting. I don’t want to talk about it.”
Yes, the orange blob man thinks women who go to the toilet are disgusting.
Back in regular human being land, thankfully there are still regular human beings running for the Presidency in the hopes that the country doesn’t decide to be led by a sociopath who displays the obvious symptoms of extreme sexual dysfunction.
“This is a guy who wants to be president of the United States,” said Bernie Sanders at the campus of Iowa Western Community College yesterday. “He must have a very unusual relationship with women.”
“I’ve got to be honest with you. I’ve got to lay it out on the table,” continued Sanders to much laughter from the audience. “I also went to the bathroom. I know. I have to admit it.”
“I guess other men are allowed to go to the bathroom, but women, what can we say?”
Well, sadly, when you are insanely wealthy, this type of bizarre mindset isn’t actually that surprising. Grotesque amounts of money allows you to buy other human beings and force them to behave as you wish. When The Donald wants a new wife, he gets one. When his new wife doesn’t look as good as she did 10 years ago, it’s off to the plastic surgeon, or in with a new one. If his new wife accidentally gets caught going to the toilet, The Donald lets her know in no uncertain terms that he finds it disgusting. It’s three strikes and you’re out in Donald Land, so compliant Donald Wives know they must never be seen going to the toilet. “I’m off to powder my nose,” say the Donald Wives, knowing their future financial wealth may be on the line.
In Hillary Clinton, Trump sees the antithesis of a Donald Wife — an educated, autonomous woman who would thoroughly kick his ass if he makes it through the Republican primary. Trump probably understands this somewhere deep within his horribly twisted subconscious, so is doing what every 6 year old little boy does before the teacher calls a time out: picking on the girl he secretly has a crush on, knowing full well she is completely out of his league.
Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.