‘Tis the season… to throw up in your mouth a little, if a pair of viral “family” Christmas photos are any indication. First up. a photo that was shared on Facebook by Louisiana’s Hannah Hawkes Photography, then pulled down when the shot generated a tsunami of outrage on the social media platform, and replaced with a more innocuous photo. The original picture featured mom and daughters with duct tape covering their mouths, toddler son giving a big thumbs up, and dad holding a chalkboard that says “Peace on Earth.”
Some outraged commenters also insisted that the girls and the mom had their hands bound in the photo, but as you can see, it’s just the duct tape on their mouths and some loosely-draped Christmas lights, they’re not perverts!
Apparently, enough people thought the photo promoted violence against women to prompt the photographer to post this response, completely missing the point:
After being silent, now isn’t that ironic, I would like to speak! I have been called every name in the book, and have received some very hateful and vulgar comments and messages. I would like to say that as a female I do NOT and have never promoted violence to women! I do not support abuse, or the degradation of women. My controversial photo was taken by request by the family, and was in no way meant to promote abuse.
Okay, outraged comments aside, the joke here is obvious: bitches be trippin’, amirite? Even if you don’t mind a grown woman participating in this kind of “joke,” what message does it send to those little girls, or to that little boy? We get that it was a joke, which seems to be the catch-all defense these days, but it was an anti-girl joke.
That’s the explicit grossness of the picture, but the subtext is also hella creepy, because they do look like they’re tied up, and they are being photographed out in the woods. This doesn’t so much say “Merry Christmas” as “It puts the lotion on its skin.”
To be fair, it might just be that Hannah Hawkes Photography coincidentally attracts people with twisted ideas for poses, like this one of a couple being stalked through the sight of a compound bow.
If you’re anything like me, you are extremely outraged, because the apostrophe on that guy’s shirt is completely superfluous. Also, what the hell font is that? It looks like the Cat in the Hat’s spank bank.
Look, I have as strong an affinity for wordplay as the next guy, but calling your wife and daughters “ho’s” is just too long a walk for that payoff. And, for Chrissakes, dude, close your legs! It’s the season for mistletoe, not cameltoe!
Here’s a pro tip for you when you’re composing your Christmas card photo, folks: if Christmas makes you feel this overwhelmed by how hot and/or mouthy and annoying your daughters are, call a therapist, not a photographer.