According to the Mormon church’s website, swearing is a no-no. “Profane, vulgar, or crude language or gestures, as well as immoral jokes, are offensive to the Lord and to others,” the edict reads. “Foul language is both degrading and harmful to the spirit. We should not let others influence us to use foul language.” Seems pretty clear, right?
In keeping with his strong belief in, and strict adherence to the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints — you know, Mormons — new-to-our-strange-planet alien Mitt Romney is well-known for refusing to use profanity. Even words you and I were comfortable gleefully tossing out on the playground as children, Mitt demurs in the face of. He’s so squeaky clean, in fact, that in one now oft-related story, he actually cursed by saying “h-e-double-hockey sticks,” like he was a first grade hall monitor ratting out a kid who’d actually said “hell.”
Well, apparently the the situation across America and around the world has gotten so bad that even Mitt needs strong language to describe it. On Tuesday during an interview with conservative radio host and apparent superhero secret identity Hugh Hewitt, Mitt bemoaned the state of things, saying that under President Obama, “the world around us is going to hell.” Mitt claims the president takes no responsibility for the world around us going to the aforementioned hell and was quick to use the opportunity of the Paris attacks to lecture Obama, saying on the Today show that the U.S. needs to wipe out ISIS before we “see what happened in Paris happen in the United States.” One assumes that what happened in Paris is once again the “hell” to which Mitt was referring.
Romney’s bold stand is almost certainly the latest PR salvo in a quiet shadow campaign for the Republican nomination. There’s been talk of a “draft Mitt” movement underway which would involve waiting for the GOP 2016 clown car to finally, inexorably run off the road into a tree — ejecting dead, flaming clowns everywhere — then letting Mitt step up like the one mighty and strong leader of the GOP that he is and take his rightful as the Republican nominee for president. That’s the plan anyway; the reality is that as damaged goods Mitt has even less a chance of winning now than he did four years ago.
It’s fun to watch Mitt throw a couple of uncharacteristic four letter words around to express his frustration — or at least take that new “anger chip” in his head out for a test run — but the reality is that Mitt will be president when h-e-double-hockey sticks freezes the fuck over.
Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.