The Fox & Friends Couch Tumors Have a Solution to the Shark Attacks

This is a conversation that actually occurred with complete seriousness on Monday morning’s Fox & Friends regarding the recent spate of shark attacks:

BRIAN KILMEADE: I think that the most shocking thing is that after you hear about the six attacks in North Carolina, okay, these are just swimmers. But then when you see a champion surfer and you have a three camera shoot and an overhead shot, [you] say, ‘Oh my goodness, it could happen anywhere.’ You would think that they would have a way of clearing the waters before a competition at this level. But I guess they don’t.

ELISABETH HASSELBECK: Sure, if a three-time world champion surfer isn’t safe, who is?

Okay, first of all, there’s no way to “clear the water” of sharks. There’s no such occupation as shark herder. Even if you devised a way to scare the sharks away, they can swim so, yeah, another shark could simply swim into the competition area. As for Hasselbeck’s doofery, what difference does it make to the sharks whether the swimmer is a fat tourist or a “three-time world champion?” Is the champion surfer somehow safer from the (relatively minuscule) risk of being attacked by shark?

I’m actually kind of shocked they didn’t propose building a wall in the ocean to block the sharks.

Bob Cesca is the host of the Bob Cesca Show podcast, a twice weekly political talk show. He’s also a contributor to Follow him on Twitter and on Facebook.