In case you’re just joining us, Chez Pazienza and I have been covering the saga of a former semi-pro wrestler named Dan Bidondi who made a name for himself by interrupting a press conference after the Boston Marathon bombing by shouting “false flag!” at law enforcement officials. Bidondi’s gig appears to be as a citizen correspondent for the unhinged conspiracy theorist Alex Jones and his InfoWars.com website.
When he’s not accosting people on the street for InfoWars, he hosts his own YouTube channel called “Truth Radio Show Dot Com” — which might be the most unintentionally hilarious YouTube channel in existence today. One of many highlights of the show include the episode in which he accidentally reported on a fake news story involving a Common Core school teacher who demonstrated to a class of children how to use a dildo.
Among other things, Bidondi believes the Sandy Hook massacre was a government hoax to stir up support for new gun control measures. To that end, he routinely pursues officials from Newtown, CT, attempting to dig up evidence for a conspiracy involving everyone there. As of this writing, no evidence exists, except for routine and random glitches that often occur during active shooter situations. But that’s enough for Bidondi because everything is a conspiracy. It goes without saying that his Sandy Hook theories make him a ghoul, while, on the other hand, he’s a 290-pound weeble-wobble who pronounces the last name of the Israeli prime minister as “Nyattanhoo.”
Ultimately, he’s nothing more than a one-man hairless goon squad for Jones.
And over the weekend, Bidondi pounded the pavement again in Jones’ name, this time following an alleged explosive noise at a Rhode Island beach. There’s no evidence that it was an explosion or a geological event that dislodged a rock from a jetty injuring a beachgoer, but there weren’t any other casualties. It’s still unclear how large or small the “explosion” was, but the sole victim was treated and released for a head injury and two broken ribs.
But Bidondi treated it like a mini-9/11, appearing on the scene with his cameraman (iPhoneman?) and his InfoWars microphone, broadcasting live via Ustream. In the video, Dan wanders around the clubhouse and parking lot area at Salty Brine State Beach demanding that random people agree with him that the beach is unsafe to reopen, not unlike a shaved monkey version of Chief Brody screaming at the mayor about a gigantic shark.
His bigger unspoken point, of course, is that the authorities want people to be injured because doing so would spearhead all new regulations that’d restrict freedom and liberty (or as Dan pronounces it, “libbity”). Because, again, everything is a conspiracy in Dan’d vacant eyes.
So, there was Dan wandering around peppering beachgoers and law enforcement officials with the same question; the July sun blindingly reflecting off his empty noggin.
Meanwhile, it’s difficult to make out every word he says because his microphone was either not turned on, or it malfunctioned. And if it had worked correctly, he seemed to be incapable of knowing where to point it and when. He’d shove it in an interviewee’s face while he himself was talking, but then he’d put it in front of his own face while the interviewee was talking.
If that wasn’t bad enough, nothing of substance really happened. He didn’t get any answers, and most of the people he interviewed didn’t seem to care whether the beach was open or closed.
The most entertaining exchange took place between Dan and a guy who rightfully refused to take Dan seriously.
DAN BIDONDI: They told the public they’re officially opening the beach tomorrow, but they don’t know if it was a bomb, they don’t know what went off. So they’re declaring the beach safe to go on, but they don’t know what happened, don’t you think that puts the public in danger?
GUY: Well what I think is, I heard the woman had a big burrito this morning from the restaurant.
It’s unclear whether Dan got the joke.
Shortly after, as Dan and his cameraman stalked people in the parking lot, the cameraman made an obnoxious pass at a female reporter who had the bad fortune of getting caught up in their InfoWars tractor beam.
CAMERAMAN: Hey by the way, you are incredibly beautiful, is there any way I could just, like, marry you? I’m a revolutionary myself… There’s a lot of things that are going on in the mainstream media that’s suspicious. I mean, what about the Bilderberg group, have you ever investigated the Bilderberg group? Google the Bilderberg group. It’s literally the biggest news story you’ve never heard of!
So, mystery solved. This is how conspiracy theorists hit on people. They invoke the Bilderberg conspiracy theory. Of course, the conspiracy theorists are the only ones who believe it’s a bigger deal than it really is. In fact, the reporter thought the cameraman was saying “Build-A-Bear.” Come to think of it, the Build-A-Bear people are probably a bigger threat to libbety than the Bilberberg group.
It’s fun to single out Dan because he’s just so dumb. But he’s indicative of a lot of citizen journalism today. Instead of doing the legwork of determining what’s newsworthy and, indeed, what’s accurate, the internet has enabled uneducated doofuses to go around spouting nonsense and passing it off as news. Just because Dan had a (nonfunctional) microphone with a newsy flag on it doesn’t make him a news man — a news man discovers information and carefully evaluates what’s right and what’s gibberish before reporting it. Dan, on the other hand, stomps into a situation with a theory and will only accept answers that conform to his theory.
And here I am evaluating the finer points of whether Dan Bidondi is a real journalist. I don’t think this requires any further explanation than to repeat: his microphone wasn’t even turned on!