Wading through conservative reactions to the Supreme Court Gay Marriage, one cannot help but feel an extreme sense of schadenfreude. For those who have invested much of their time and energy suppressing the rights of their fellow citizens, the rapid disintegration of their efforts in a single ruling must have come as a serious blow. While conservatives may think they are defending love and the institution of marriage, their real impact has been to make the lives of millions of people that much harder. Now they must come to terms with real equality and accept their own archaic prejudices are no longer welcome in modern American society.
Coming to terms with this will not be easy though as many conservatives have literally lost the plot. Sadly, the following quotes from seven intolerant bigots barely scratches the surface of the deep resentment felt by repressed conservatives everywhere.
In no particular order:
1. Justice Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr on the audacity of human beings wanting other human beings to be equal:
Just who do we think we are? I have no choice but to dissent….Many people will rejoice at this decision, and I begrudge none their celebration. But for those who believe in a government of laws, not of men, the majority’s approach is deeply disheartening.
2. Sen. Lindsey Graham, who definitely isn’t gay, inventing a completely fictitious war on religion:
I am a proud defender of traditional marriage and believe the people of each state should have the right to determine their marriage laws…..Rather than pursing a divisive effort that would be doomed to fail, I am committing myself to ensuring the protection of religious liberties of all Americans. No person of faith should ever be forced by the federal government to take action that goes against his or her conscience or the tenets of their religion. As president, I would staunchly defend religious liberty in this nation and would devote the necessary federal resources to the protection of all Americans from any effort to hinder the free and full exercise of their rights. While we have differences, it is time for us to move forward together respectfully and as one people.
3. Ann Coulter, who appears to believe gay marriage rights means African Americans will become slaves again:
14th amt is exclusively about freed slaves. With the gay marriage ruling, liberals have screwed blacks once again.
— Ann Coulter (@AnnCoulter) June 26, 2015
4. Bill Kristol inadvertently announces his sexual fantasy:
Polygamy, here we come!
Roberts: "The majority randomly inserts the adjective 'two' in various places for no reason at all."
— Bill Kristol (@BillKristol) June 26, 2015
5. Fox’s Martha MacCallum asks: “Does this mean 3 people can get married now?” (Yes, really).
6. Mike Huckabee on getting ready to fight the tyrannical gays:
The Supreme Court has spoken with a very divided voice on something only the Supreme Being can do-redefine marriage…I will not acquiesce to an imperial court any more than our Founders acquiesced to an imperial British monarch. We must resist and reject judicial tyranny, not retreat.
7. Antonin Scalia, whose statement is the best illustration of white male paranoia ever put to paper:
What really astounds is the hubris reflected in today’s judicial Putsch. The five Justices who compose today’s majority are entirely comfortable concluding that every State violated the Constitution for all of the 135 years between the Fourteenth Amendment’s ratification and Massachusetts’ permitting of same-sex marriages in 2003.”
Yes, you asshole, they were.
Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.