Goldman Sachs Kindly Lets Interns Work Only 17 Hour Days

Goldman Sachs, the financial institution that helped bring down the global economy in 2008, is not just concerned about money. The bank genuinely cares about its employees, particularly summer interns who are literally willing to die to impress their bosses.

Concerned that bright eyed youngsters might be pushing themselves too hard after a London intern Moritz Erhardt was found dead after working 72 hours straight, the company has introduced new rules that limit intern working hours from only 7am to midnight. Reports the Guardian:

The new rules, introduced for this summer’s crop of investment banking interns, have been introduced “to improve the overall work experience of our interns”, a Goldman Sachs spokesman said. All of its summer interns across the world were informed of the new working hours rule on their first day in the office earlier this month.

Having abandoned frivolous luxuries in life like sleep, sunlight, friendship and family for an existence dedicated to making a shit ton of money, it is unclear what the interns will do with their time off.  With a whopping seven hours for themselves, the sky is genuinely the limit. Perhaps a trip to the bathroom, a meal away from the laptop, or even a conversation with someone not working at Goldman Sachs?

This radical move from Goldman Sachs could be seen as the beginning of end of capitalism, so let’s hope Wall St rallies and puts an end to this madness. What’s next? Lunch breaks? A whole weekend off? Look how that turned out in North Korea.

Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.