Lindsey Graham, the GOP’s favorite Mint Julep Sippin’ Southerner wants to be President of the United States. Having declared his candidacy yesterday, Graham will be running as a military hawk, telling an audience in South Carolina:
I’ve got one simple message. I have more experience with our national security than any other candidate in this race. That includes you, Hillary.
Could this macho talk be hiding something? Graham has never turned down an opportunity to send other people’s children to war and believes America should always be engaging with ‘the enemy’ abroad. Despite having had a fictitious military career, Graham has always fancied himself as a foreign policy tough guy. In fact, the never-married 59 year-old’s hawkishness has defined his political career – much like fellow homosexual Republican Dennis Hastert, who leapt at every opportunity to escalate aggression in the Middle East.
In case you were worried about Graham’s hard-to-pin-down sexuality, fear not. Graham thinks gay marriage is like polygamy. He asked Loretta Lynch during her confirmation hearing why polygamy wouldn’t also become a constitutional right if the Supreme Court decided that gay marriage was protected by the Constitution. He said:
If the Supreme Court rules that same-sex marriage bans are unconstitutional — that it violates the Constitution to try to limit marriage between a man and a woman, that’s clearly the law of the land unless there’s a constitutional amendment to change it — what legal rationale would be in play that would prohibit polygamy?
That clears that up then – how could someone who thinks gay marriage is like polygamy ever be gay??
More proof? Here was Graham telling The New York Times that he definitely ‘ain’t gay’:
I know it’s really gonna upset a lot of gay men — I’m sure hundreds of ’em are gonna be jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge — but I ain’t available. I ain’t gay. Sorry.
So remember y’all, Lindsey Graham is a good ol’ Southern Baptist who loves war and definitely, definitely ain’t gay…
Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.