Following our unofficial our unofficial series ‘Florida does something really, really stupid‘, this week someone in the sunshine state did something so mind bogglingly stupid it makes the banning of the term ‘climate change‘ seem like a stroke of genius.
No, it wasn’t a flesh eating zombie or a man using his sports car to pull his son’s tooth out, or even someone blowing their own penis off while cleaning a gun. This week, a young man named Austin Hatfield caught a snake (called a water moccasin) while swimming. Well known to be north America’s only deadly water snake, Hatfield thought it a good idea to give the highly venomous creature a kiss, leading to this:
Reports Florida Today:
A Hillsborough County man is recovering after being bitten in the face by a water moccasin.
Investigators say 18-year-old Austin Hatfield captured the 4-foot-long cottonmouth while swimming last week, according to FLORIDA TODAY news partner Local 6 News.
Friends say the teen was trying to kiss the snake when it struck, biting him on the lip.
Hatfield was taken to the hospital in critical condition but is expected to make a full recovery.
Cottonmouth snakes, sometimes called water moccasins, are extremely dangerous.
Officials say Hatfield did not have a permit to keep the snake.
The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission is investigating.
It’s obviously great that Hatfield survived the encounter, but it isn’t clear how much longer he can survive other potentially fatal scenarios. Hatfield is a young man at 18 so still has time to learn not to stick his fingers into electricity sockets, look both ways when crossing the road, and go up for air when swimming. To be fair, given his general lack of awareness and seemingly overwhelming idiocy, he’s lucky to have survived this long anyway.
Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.