Now, I truly have seen it all. Pioneering rapper/producer/Beats entrepreneur Dr. Dre took gangsta rap to the next level, but if you thought The Chronic (or the accompanying actual chronic) blew your mind, you won’t believe which magazine cover he’s appearing on this month. Warning, fellow OGs, you cannot un-see this:
That’s right, Dr. Dre turned 50 this month, which means he’ll likely be sippin’ on Geritol and juice, with his mind on his pension an his pension on his mind. He can still express with his full capabilities, but now he’ll be living in assisted living facilities. We can now look forward to his upcoming NWA reunion single, Fuck These Damn Kids.
Dre’s arrival at the half-century mark is traumatic enough for those who were reared on NWA and think of the seminal rap crew as “old school,” but for those of us who came up listening to Grandmaster Flash and the Sugar Hill Gang, NWA was the new shit.
If you’re wondering why you didn’t get the Dre AARP cover in the mail this month, that’s because while it is an official AARP cover, it wasn’t intended for print:
Yesterday (Feb. 18), Dr. Dre turned 50 years old. The revered producer has been a fixture in hip-hop since the late 1980s, when he burst onto the scene as a member of N.W.A., terrorizing middle America and the FBI alike. But in the wake of his milestone, AARP—the American Association of Retired Persons, one of the largest interest groups in the country—has put him on the cover of their bi-monthly magazine. Described as “Fearless at 50-plus,” the Chronic producer and rapper graces the pages in a suit and tie, smiling broadly. However, don’t expect this issue to be available for print. Paola Torres from AARP has told XXL that this was just a fun mock cover and it will not go to print or distribution.
So, someone at AARP thought it would be a nice surprise for Dre if they tweeted out a magazine cover that advertised his eligibility for membership in the American Association of Retired Persons, along with an awesomely old-person-y use of the @ symbol that all the kids are using these days, because that’s how you cheer someone up on their 50th birthday. This will never happen to me, so let me say it for Dre instead: Fuck you, AARP.