How was your guys’ Tuesday night? Me? Oh, nothing much, just pranking Donald Trump.
A while ago, people were spreading around the #foxnewsfacts hashtag, which was intended to mock Fox News’ blatant lying during a segment that claimed a major British city had become “totally Muslim” thanks to lax immigration laws or something. (In reality, Birmingham is at least 80% non-Muslim.) Dumb jokes abounded, so I tweeted something that got a few shares and forgot about it. Then on Tuesday night, something awesome happened: the Donald himself retweeted me at his own expense:
— lvl45 CHAOS POTUS who thinks kanye is 'very cool' (@thetomzone) January 21, 2015
Trump apparently missed the joke while retweeting a bunch of self-aggrandizing bullshit. For a guy who seems to spend an awful lot of time on social media, Trump is remarkably thick when it comes to this stuff. The fact is the man is much less smart than he believes himself to be and it shows with pretty much everything he does. He’s also horribly insecure, which is why he’s eager to retweet whatever compliments get vomited in his direction.
I especially liked this rebuttal:
@realDonaldTrump [sound of lie detector exploding]
— Doug E. Stile (@Doug_E_Stile) January 21, 2015
To clarify: Mr. Trump, you are an absolutely terrible human being with nothing constructive to add to the collective human experience and I hope you spend eternity shoved up into Satan’s taint. You are Goofus if he had Gallant’s money and casual racism. If you were a stopped clock, time would say fuck that and jump a few seconds twice a day.
By the way, you’re also a lousy businessman.
Anyhow, I can’t legally challenge you to a duel, but I totally challenge you to a duel. You call time, place, and manner of battle. No hired goons. C’monnnn. I’m really kind of a wimp.