F. Scott Fitzgerald famously said that there are no second acts in American lives. The way around the constraints of that maxim, I suppose, is to simply tweak the first act a bit, enough to where people think you’re doing something new when you really aren’t. Case in point, Terry Jones. Not the Terry Jones of Monty Python fame, the Terry Jones I’m talking about is the Florida pastor who looks like Yosemite Sam if the artists who drew him ran out of red ink and who made a name for himself back in 2010 when he threatened to set a copy of the Quran on fire. He eventually did torch a Quran — an incident that led to riots in Afghanistan — and planned to stage a bonfire for the book that would’ve happened had he not been arrested just before the event for “unlawful conveyance of fuel and unlawful carry of a firearm.”
Now Jones is back and this time its your taste buds he wants to light on fire. Jones is currently the proud co-owner of a new restaurant stand called “Fry Guys Gourmet Fries” in the food court of the DeSoto Square Mall in Bradenton, Florida. Their motto is “We Take Fries Seriously” and it’s reportedly plastered on the wall beside the stand along with a sketch of Jones’s scowling visage. This is a problem, of course, because maybe more than his name, people in Central Florida and elsewhere know Jones’s face — and given that he’s on al Qaeda’s “most wanted” list and has a $2.2 million bounty on his head, that could be a bit of a threat to, you know, everyone in town.
Just how potentially dangerous is Jones’s presence to the innocent mall-shuffling folk of Brandeton? Well, put it this way: you know who else was on the al Qaeda list? Stéphane Charbonnier, the editor and chief cartoonist at Charlie Hebdo who was killed last week in an attack by Islamic terrorists. Charb was #6 on the list, while Jones is #2, a large drawing of his brains being blown out featured next to the smaller pictures of the people some of the world’s most dangerous terrorists want dead. With this in mind, mall manager Robert Tackett says he’s talked to Jones and Jones has agreed to remove the picture of his face from the stand. He still, however, plans to turn Fry Guys into a chain.
“We’re not fearful, and we’re not going to run and hide,” Jones says. “If they (the terrorists) come, we’re going to try to get them before they get us.”
God bless America. And remember to order your fries “extra burnt in hell, like those Muslims.”
(h/t Christian Nightmares)
Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.