If conservative blogger Chuck Johnson told you that he was the bastard grandson of kid preacher-era Marjoe Gortner and a muppet made of dog turds, as inclined as you would be to believe it you simply couldn’t. That’s because you can’t believe anything Chuck Johnson says. Because Chuck Johnson is always wrong. Chuck Johnson is wrongso often that he makes Bill Kristol and his self-satisfied, Cheshire-Cat-on-Xanax grin look like Walter Cronkite. He’s wrongso often that when Andrew Breitbart learned of his existence he keeled over and died, knowing that no matter how hard he tried, he’d never be as shameless, mendacious and laughably incompetent as Chuck. In fact, Chuck Johnson is almost a freak of nature: there’s no other human being on the planet who displays a more profound reverse correlation between how right he thinks he is and how right he actually is on the subject of, well, everything.
On Monday evening, right as Chuck was doing a live guest spot on an internet radio show to promote his latest big scoop that was sure to shake up the world and finally get him a lifetime membership to the Magic Castle of journalism, part of that scoop was falling apart under his feet. As we told you earlier, Chuck’s the shaved asshole who claims to have outed the alleged UVA rape victim who was profiled in a Rolling Stone story last month. That story has now largely unraveled. But in Chuck’s rush to smear the woman at the center of it — who still may very well have been a victim of rape — he posted a picture to his website on Monday that he said was not only “Jackie,” but which proved she had cried rape once before. The photo was taken at “SlutWalk” in Washington DC back in 2011 and featured a young woman holding up a sign that read in part, “My rapist doesn’t know he’s a rapist.” See, guys? Chuck totally exposed that bitch. That’s the “award-winning journalism” he’s famous for.
Except of course that Chuck Johnson was wrong. Because Chuck Johnson is always wrong. As the other Charles Johnson — the decent one — over at Little Green Footballs showed, Chuck fucked up hugely and the picture he posted wasn’t of Jackie at all but was instead of a woman named Angie Duran who had participated in the SlutWalk protest. Had Chuck bothered to trace the photo back maybe one step to the Facebook page from which it originated he would’ve known this. But since not only is Chuck Johnson always wrong but he doesn’t really care about always being wrong — being wrong does nothing to deflate his titanium-plated ego and misguided sense of journalistic righteousness — he just went ahead and ran with it, inadvertently proving why idiot self-styled “journalists” like him need to be taken to the middle of nowhere and left for dead for the good of all of us.
Once Chuck realized what had happened, he of course wrote a lengthy and contrite mea culpa in which he attempted to make amends to both Angie Duran and Jackie as well as explain in detail the measures he was putting in place to ensure that such mistakes aren’t made again, right?
Of course not.
Yeah, right. His batting average. His batting average is .000. Because Chuck Johnson is always wrong.
Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.