Gee, You’ll NEVER Guess How Texas’ Christians Feel About Michael Sam Coming To the Cowboys

Somebody at one of the Vegas books had to have been smart enough to put together an over-under on this. Either way, if you started the clock as soon as it was announced that Michael Sam was being picked up by the Dallas Cowboys, and bet that it’d take only about six hours before some Christian conservative group in Texas completely lost its fucking mind, congratulations — you win.

Before the close of business yesterday, conservative lobbyist and raging asshole Jack Burkman had already denounced the Cowboys for adding Sam to their practice squad and now plans a big protest for Sunday’s season opener at Cowboy Stadium. He and his imaginatively named group “American Decency” promise to rally thousands of like-minded Christians “who feel that they need to come together and feel like they need to stand up for the deterioration of decency in American sports.” So to recap, they literally feel all the feels.

But wait, there’s more.

From the group’s delightful press release for the event:

“We cannot just stand idly by as Christian values and morals are trampled. We will do whatever we can to preserve family values in this country. Jerry Jones has betrayed American values, Christian values, and his own city’s values. The people of Dallas–and Christians all across this land–are about to make him pay a huge financial price. The Cowboys are no longer America’s team.”

Meanwhile, The Huffington Post reports:

Callers to CBS’ 105.3 The Fan have had mixed responses to Sam’s new role with the Texas team, according to CBS Dallas Fort-Worth’s KTVT. While one person noted Sam’s talent is what matters, another person said: “I don’t want my kids looking up to me and say, ‘Daddy, what does that mean that he’s gay?’”

First of all, it’s damn entertaining that there are people in Dallas who think the biggest problem with the Cowboys is that there’s an openly gay guy on their practice squad. Second, while it’s admirable that the team picked up Michael Sam, it’s obviously a drop of water in the middle of the desert that is Texas and shouldn’t by any means spare that state from the fate it’s cometo so richly deserveover the pastseveralyears.

Seriously, the right thing to do at this point is to take off and nuke the entire site from orbit.

It’s the only way to be sure.

Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever. 

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