The Daily Banter Mail Bag: The Most Important Questions Ever Asked

In this week’s edition of The Daily Banter Mail Bag, Bob, Ben and Chez respond to questions first used by Bernard Pivot.

The question from reader “James L”:

1) I submit to you the questionnaire that was used by Bernard Pivot:

What is your favorite word?

Ben:

‘Banter’. I sort of have to say that though.

Chez: Dad (I was gonna answer “jism”, mostly because it’s just fun to say, but sentimentality wins the day.)

Bob: “Monkey.” Invariably funny in any story or situation.

What is your least favorite word?

Chez: “Selfie.”

Bob: “Regret.”

Ben: C**t. (But without the stars…)

What turns you on?

Chez: A foul mouth. An anything-goes attitude when it comes to humor.

Bob: Dark Mediterranean femininity. My wife, basically.

Ben: Flat stomachs, dark hair, and a sense of humor.

What turns you off?

Chez: Ideologues. Stridency.

Bob: Pretentiousness.

Ben: Someone who takes themselves too seriously. 

What is your favorite curse word?

Chez: Any variation of “fuck.”

Bob: “Motherfucker.”

Ben: Bollocks. I fucking love that word. Fuck comes second. 

What sound or noise do you love?

Chez: Besides my kid laughing? Keys on a keyboard being tapped. Women’s heels clicking on pavement.

Bob: The helicopter rotors during the Tour de France.

Ben: I love the sound of the ocean. And Sigur Ros. 

What sound or noise do you hate?

Chez: The sound of two idiots arguing overtop of each other on cable news.

Bob: Fire alarms.

Ben: Mark Levin’s voice. It makes me want to strangle him

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Chez: I’d like to be a writer. I’m not sure I’m one now.

Bob: Gettysburg Licensed Battlefield Guide.

Ben: I have always wondered whether I could have made it as a professional boxer. Not sure I had the stomach for it though. It’s a painful game.  

What profession would you not like to do?

Chez: Politician — or maybe a rodeo clown.

Bob: Anything third-shift.

Ben: Anything where I have a boss. 

If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

Chez: “I wouldn’t have believed it either.”

Bob: “Nicely done.”

Ben: “Don’t worry, we have a coffee machine”