A couple of weeks back we brought you the good news that for the next several months the gods of comedy were going to be blessing us with a wealth of great material. That’s because Alex Jones minion and unofficial Daily Banter mascot Dan Bidondi had decided to run for a seat on the Rhode Island State Senate. And you were worried there wouldn’t be any serious, qualified candidates seeking office this November and the various races were going to be nothing more than one big, depressing clown show.
If you’re a regular reader you know what Bidondi’s all about: he’s a raving, combative conspiracy theorist who interrupted a press conference in the immediate wake of the Boston Marathon bombing demanding to know if the whole thing was a “false flag” attack; he does a “truth” radio and internet show in which he examines current news items through the prism of biblical prophecy; he’s a guy who basically lost access to his family because hunting down chemtrails and the Illuminati for Alex Jones was more important to him. Oh yeah, and my five-year-old can spell better than he can.
This was his big campaign announcement on Facebook last month:
But that declaration was just the first step in Dan Bidondi’s road to political world domination. If you can, you really should “spear” a few minutes and take a look at the website he’s set up for his campaign. It is, in a word, glorious.
First, the address is “www.wtpsenate2014.com” with the “WTP” standing for “We the People,” which is of course the slogan Bidondi is running under being that he’s the constitutional hero our country needs — our doughy, white knight, if you will. The centerpiece of the page is a video clip from YouTube that details the questions surrounding the 2010 death of a Massachusetts man who was found floating in a river in Providence. Police say he fell into the river after a night of drinking but the man’s family believes he might have been murdered by police. For the record, the story isn’t complete bullshit, but it’s apparently been a Bidondi soapbox for the past few years and if you know anything about all the other nonsense he puts his considerable weight behind it’s safe to say his interest in the case is a detriment to the family rather than an advantage. Still, the video hypes Bidondi’s involvement so he’s milking it to show that he’s one of the good guys who fights injustice on a small scale as well as a large one (his favorite large scale injustices being the 9/11 cover-up, the New World Order, and the government’s nefarious U.N.-backed plan to put us all in FEMA camps).
Bidondi also makes not only his e-mail address available but his phone number — because he’s a man of the people and, one would imagine, he’s devastatingly lonely — as well as a rundown of his qualifications for the job of state senator from Rhode Island’s 16th district. Chances are you’ve asked yourself many times, “Just who is Dan Bidondi?” Allow the man himself to answer.
If a bear somehow gets loose in the state capitol building and you need it wrestled into submission — or if you need somebody to dead lift the entire state of Rhode Island — Dan Bidondi is your man. He can also report on stuff.
His plans for his state once in office? Well, take a look.
Did you catch that? In case you didn’t, here, have a closer look at number nine.
Yes, Dan Bidondi will stand up to the “polician state.”
Overall the entire look of the website is kind of awesomely retro. And by retro I mean it looks a little like a DIY Geocities special. In fact, as a service to Bidondi, let’s fully convert his site over to the Geocities look.
There, that’s better.
Remember, kids, vote Bidondi in November!
Bidondi ’14: Governments Shouldn’t Be Afraid of Thier People, People Should Be Afraid of Thier Governments… Wait, I Messed That Up… People Should Be Afraid of The Government That’s Afraid of… Uh, Somethin’
Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.