There are roughly 700,000 British expats living in the United States right now — many of whom will be uncomfortably celebrating American Independence on the Fourth of July. As an Englishman who has lived in the States for over 10 years, I’ve learned a few things about celebrating the day when the Americans kicked our arses and sent us back to drink tea and eat crumpets with King George III.
But fear not, fellow Brits in America. Here are five things you can do to make the Fourth a little more bearable:
1. Stay home.
This is the easiest way to avoid the crippling embarrassment that an undersized, underdeveloped colony beat down the greatest military power on earth.
2. Refuse to acknowledge America’s victory over Britain.
Maintain the steadfast belief that America is still a British colony, albeit a very badly behaved one. This may cause tension at the party you’re attending, but remember, you’re representing the Queen!
3. Pretend you don’t know anything about it.
War of American Independence? Never heard of it! Sounds like a film by that Aussie Mel Gibson or something. Tally-ho!
4. Disown your country.
This can be effective if your party is full of patriotic historians who insist on letting you know just how important is was to stop paying taxes to you. “I don’t agree with concept of empire, so I think the war of independence was a good thing!” This line almost always works a treat.
5. Remember that a large percentage of Americans don’t know history.
Many don’t know that July 4th is a public holiday celebrating America’s independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain. They think it’s a day off work where you eat hotdogs and let off fireworks. If your friends don’t know any better, then don’t be embarrassed at all!
Happy Fourth, everyone!
Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.