Everyone loves to hate Facebook. Why? Probably because you spend every waking hour on it, and part of you knows you need to talk to real human beings once in a while. But the lure of finding out what ex-boyfriends are up to, and who the cute girl is in the office next to you is can be too much to resist. So instead, you use it and pretend to hate it.
Frequent criticisms that appear on virtually everyone’s wall include:
1. “Why does everyone keep posting stupid shit on their wall?”
2. “Facebook is invading my privacy with ad suggestions”
3. “Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg are trying to take over the world”
4. “If you want to stop Facebook invading your privacy, join xxx facebook group”
5. “Why does everyone insist on posting photos of their annoying children?”
6. “I hate Facebook!”
The solution to all of these problems are simple. Here they are (in order) so you don’t waste anymore time hating on a social media network you spend more time with than your family:
1. Your friends post stupid shit on Facebook because you have stupid friends. Generally, my friends post interesting, thoughtful comments and share funny and insightful articles. Yes, they sometimes post stupid videos, but there’s nothing wrong with watching drunk people fall into manholes every now and then. The solution? Get new friends.
2. Facebook is absolutely invading your privacy with ad suggestions. That’s how Facebook makes money to ensure it exists. Without Facebook invading your privacy, there would be no Facebook. If you don’t like it, stop using it.
3. Mark Zuckerberg is certainly trying to increase his market share over companies like Google so Facebook can and be the ultimate destination online. If you want to stop him, it’s not difficult to figure out what to do (hint: stop using Facebook)
4. Yes, groups like this do actually exist. No rebuttal needed here.
5. Because unlike you, some of your friends have their shit together. It’s not their fault you are incapable of passing on your DNA.
6. No you don’t. You love it.
Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.