President Obama has long made conservatives break out in hives, but apparently, the opposite is happening in the rest of the country, as bee populations have been drastically declining for years, threatening huge chunks of our nation’s economy and food supply. Conservatives have naturally, discovered that the real problem with all of this is NOBama’s refusal to let bees go extinct so Iraq can become a stable democracy. Conservative thought leader Twitchy has collected some of the buzz:
Pres Obama establishing "Pollinator Health Task Force." To be co-chaired by the Ag Secy and EPA Admin.
— Mark Knoller (@markknoller) June 20, 2014
No, for reals. Iraq Schmiraq! Who will think of the bees? Who?
Iraq? Too hard.. Save the bees!
— Stephen Miller (@redsteeze) June 22, 2014
It goes on like that. Expect lots more stinging criticism (and terrible bee puns) from the rest of the wingnuts, which is ironic, because nuts are one of the foods threatened by the looming Bee-pocalypse™ that President Obama is trying to avoid, as Josh Earnest explained Friday in his final briefing as Principal Deputy Press Secretary:
“The pollinators, the so-called pollinators that are covered by this presidential memorandum, actually have an impact of about $24 billion a year on the United States economy. And they are vital to keeping fruits, nuts and vegetables in our diets.“
Earnest is right that, despite all of the lame attempts at humor, the Bee-pocalypse is a big effing deal, bee-cause (sorry), according to the White House, more than 35% of the global food supply, including 87 of the leading 115 food crops, depend on insect pollination. Since “fruits, nuts, and vegetables” don’t sound all that important to many Americans, let me put it in terms that conservatives can relate to: without bees, there would be no Jalapeno poppers, no Almond Joy, no denim (what will you wear to your traditional weddings?), no deep-fried anything. Oh, I bet that last one got your attention.
However, conservatives do have a point. If bees were extinct, Iraq could finally become the flourishing democracy that we were all promised. Stupid Obama!