The news that the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office has revoked the Washington Redskins’ trademark has sent white conservatives scurrying to defend liberty, but the one with the best argument has got to be TheBlaze editor Dana Loesch, who points out that the team name “honors” Native Americans. Of course, Loesch would know better than the Native Americans who petitioned for the revocation, because she is, after all, the Editor in Chief (she’s actually not the Editor in Chief). And taking some inspiration from Loesch, I would like to propose my own suggestion for what Washington, D.C.’s professional football team should be called, but more on that in a moment.
The patent office’s decision follows mounting pressure from anti-freedom sticks-in-the-mud like President Barack Obama and the Cherokee, Comanche, Oneida and Seminole tribes, and the National Congress of American Indians, but true guardians of Native American culture like Dan Snyder and Dana Loesch know better than Native Americans:
As much as I hate to agree with her, I feel that the naysayers really need to bow to her expertise in this matter. However, does Loesch fail to note that there are already so many professional sports team honoring Native Americans that other groups are getting shafted. Now, I know what you’re thinking, but black people had their chance, with a whole league named in their honor, and Jackie Robinson blew it for them. Sure, we could similarly honor the Latino community, but do we really need another magnet for illegal immigration?
No, the time has come to honor women in the same way that Dan Snyder has been honoring Native Americans, which is why Loesch has inspired me to lobby for the Washington Redskins to change their name to the Gashington Redsnatch. Not only does the singular form just flow better than “Redsnatches,” it also conveys the message that there is no “I” in “Snatch.” Like its namesake, the team is made up of many parts that have to work together in order to achieve its goals. Changing the local designation to “Gashington” just makes sense, because it’s double the honor. True, there is much more to a woman than this body part, but that’s how this type of honor works: you pick the one that stands out to you. Well, not “you” as in the group being honored, but “you” as in the person who knows better than them.
Of course, there will be some who find the new team name offensive, but once the league explains what an honor this is, those critics will surely clam up. As for designing a new logo, though, Dan Snyder’s on his own there.