First and foremost, I’m an American. I love my country, but respect the strong influence immigrants have had here. I don’t judge a man by the kind of food he serves. Mexican was never my thing, but if you’re making something people want, then by God you should be allowed to produce as many tacos, fajitas, and burriters as your customers can handle.
But I’m also a patriot. So when you start messing with the Second Amendment — the most important amendment of all which is why they put it right behind the first one — then you got a problem with the Constitution. And if you got a problem with the Constitution, you got a problem with me.
On Monday, “Chee-pote-lay” announced that it was asking customers to refrain from bringing firearms into its restaurants. As the AP reported,
Chipotle is asking customers not to bring firearms into its stores after it says gun rights advocates brought military-style assault rifles into one of its restaurants in Texas.
The Denver-based company notes that it has traditionally complied with local laws regarding open and concealed firearms.
But in a statement Monday, the company said that “the display of firearms in our restaurants has now created an environment that is potentially intimidating or uncomfortable for many of our customers.”
Let me tell you something about Texas. I don’t know who done complained about a few assault rifles, but in Texas if you ain’t carrying something that can mow down a pack of rabid feral dogs in a few seconds or the occasional chupacabra, guess what? You make me uncomfortable. I mean, what kind of dainty Nader-votin’ twink ain’t packing at least a glock? It ain’t natural and it ain’t right. It’s just un-American.
Normally I would chalk this type of gutless action up to just plain old public relations. For some reason, a good number of Americans get all nervous when they’re dining out and all of the sudden a group of tattooed good ol’ boys with AR-15s slung over their shoulders come ambling on in after a long day of hunting and drinking — two sports as American as George Washington. Those men are just like anyone else. They’re fathers, sons, brothers, cousins, and cousins who are also husbands of the people they’re cousinin.’ They’re good people, and there won’t be no trouble less some other customer gives ’em the ol’ stink eye for no good reason.
But this ain’t PR, no sir. Chee-pote-lay is a liberal outfit through and through, what with its plots to encourage sustainable farming and healthy eating. Plus it discriminates against people who speak out against the gay agenda. And if that ain’t a sure as shoot sign of intolerance, nothing is.
I know what you’re thinking. “But Cletus Ray, I don’t eat at Chee-pote-lay anyhow. What do I care if a bunch Mexicans don’t want guns in their bodegas or whatever they call em? Ain’t no shank off my cattle!”
Think again, brother. Guns are such a big part of who we are as men, as citizens, and as human beings created by god 6,000 years ago in the Garden of Eden, where a man could carry his weapon anywheres except near that one bad tree with all the knowledge growing on it. This ain’t just a Second Amendment issue. It’s a human rights issue. If my gun ain’t welcome in some establishment, then I ain’t welcome there neither.
It’s a sad time in America when a bunch of Mexicans are allowed to tell a red-blooded American like myself that he’s not welcome in their establishment simply because of the gun he carries. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised this being Obama’s America — a place where where the armed, white, woman-loving Christian male is the most persecuted citizen of all. And now with all the illegals flooding on in here, soon they won’t just be taking away our freedom, but our language too. But at least then every American will know what Chee-pote-lay actually means:
Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.