Photo: Rick Loomis/Los Angeles Times
Another Friday is here, but this one is special. By the end of the day the United States will have a new government, because right now tens of old, angry white men dressed in tricorn hats and riding Hoverounds are descending on Washington, DC. And when President Obama looks out his White House window and realizes what he’s up against, he’ll have no choice but to surrender himself and be tried for crimes against the Constitution. I for one welcome our new incontintent overlords.
Anyway, here are a few headlines and internet goodies to pore over while you wait to celebrate the dawn of a brand new America.
1. It’s official: Donald Sterling isn’t going down without a fight. Grab your courtside seats for this one (unless of course you’re black, in which case please stay home).
2. True, we don’t have snow and ice to deal with for five months out of the year, but you don’t have to worry about hell opening up under your feet and destroying entire neighborhoods.
3. “I am a proud gun owner. I’m also a single father. I do not want to ban guns but I do want to protect my son from the dangers they pose.”
4. I’ve found that if you drink often enough, you kind of feel like you’re always lucid dreaming. Still, this is interesting and will probably come in handy for you at some point.
5.Atlas was admittedly a really good song, the best thing Coldplay has released in almost ten years. And maybe there’s hope for the band now that Gwyneth Paltrow’s succubine influence has consciously uncoupled itself from Chris Martin — with Martin already trading up immeasurably, according to reports. But the battle over whether Coldplay should ever be considered a decent band will always rage on.
6. And if you haven’t seen this yet you should. If you’ve already seen it, you’ll want to see it again, if for no other fact that it’s Dinklage. And he’s the coolest motherfucker on earth.
Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.