Yesterday during the recording of the weekly podcast that I do with Bob Cesca, I asked whether Amy Kushnir had appeared as a guest on Fox News yet. It was a given that at some point the Dallas morning show host who lost her mind over the image of Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend was going to get the call to bring her snooty socialite indignation to “the show,” even for a few minutes. In fact, it was always easy to imagine Kushnir being flown to the big city and walking into the Fox News studios on 6th Avenue the way a minor-leaguer steps up to the plate at Yankee Stadium for the first time.
As it turns out, pretty much right about the time Bob and I were wrapping up, Kushnir was indeed on Fox News confabbing with — I don’t know, whatever interchangeable spokesblonde was filling in for Megyn Kelly last night on The Kelly File.
Kushnir of course knew right off the bat that she was among friends, as the guest host attempted to hose down and clean up her on-air comments from a few days ago, pointing out that network coverage of professional sports has always had a sex problem, what with all those bikini-chick beer and GoDaddy commercials. But we all know that Kushnir’s problem isn’t straight sex being transmitted past the front guard gate and into the McMansion she shares with her perfect family, it’s specifically icky gay affection.
At the very start of the interview, in fact, she refers to Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend as “the incident,” as if there should’ve been crime tape looped around everyone involved. And it just goes downhill from there.
Here’s the money quote from Miss Priggy:
“I didn’t feel it was appropriate, it was over-the-top. ESPN used it as an opportunity to put out shocking video, when ESPN is a sports network that families watch. I mean, we’ve got children that play sports. So it bothers me that they used this as an opportunity to promote their left-wing agenda.”
First of all, the “left-wing agenda” line is such a wonderful tip-of-the-cards to the fact that Amy Kushnir came in ready to pile it on thick because she looked at her entire appearance as a job interview. The subtext was, “I have a real appreciation for the work you do here at (insert company name) and believe that I could be a valuable member of your team.” She’s blonde, she’s fiery, she’s conservative, she’s perfect for Fox News.
But putting that aside, let’s set the Way-Back machine for maybe 65 years ago. Kushnir could just as easily have been talking about black people. About Jackie Robinson. Because at one time watching black people simply exist in professional sports was considered “shocking” and “inappropriate” by privileged Southern Stepford Wives like her.
As for the reaction she’s gotten, with coastal wise-asses like me making fun of her:
“If you are trying to maintain traditional values and views in your home and if you share them you’re going to get lambasted because it goes against what’s politically correct.”
Needless to say, it’s not about being politically incorrect. It’s about being wrong. It’s about being a bigot. A good rule of thumb is that if your “traditional values” involve discriminating against someone because of the color of his or her skin or whom he or she is hard-wired to love, provided that love is returned by an equally consenting adult, then they’re not really values. They’re excuses. And they’re bullshit.
Look, here’s the thing: In order for you to think that two gay men kissing each other is shocking and inappropriate, you have to think that gay people are shocking and inappropriate. It’s not the kissing — it’s the gayness. And, sorry, but there’s nothing wrong with being gay and nothing wrong with making it clear to the world that you’re gay. That’s what they mean when they say “out.” Now, if you want to let people know that you don’t like gay people being gay — that you think it’s gross and a threat to your children and you’re afraid it makes Jesus cry — then that’s entirely your right. But I get to call you an asshole in return. I don’t get to threaten your life or otherwise make you fear for your safety, but I do get to mercilessly mock you.
The persecution complex people like Kushnir have is astonishing. There are vast swaths of society that have finally moved on from them and they just cannot deal with it. So they seal themselves off in their little enclaves, pretend everything is exactly as it’s always been and clutch their pearls whenever any hint of the big, weird, new world gets in. It makes me wonder how the hell Amy Kushnir survived even one night in New York City. Jesus, she must’ve stuffed a gallon jug of hand sanitizer in her Louis Vuitton purse. Maybe Fox News provided her with a welder’s mask so she wouldn’t have to see any of the gay liberal multiracial atheists on the Town Car ride from JFK into the studio.
Because, man, she was a long way from Midland last night. And so is most of the planet.
Adding: An h/t to one of our commenters, who pointed out this little nugget from Amy Kushnir’s recent history. This was she and the rest of the hosts on her show just three months ago, practically slipping on their own drool during a live hit they did with the Chippendale’s male strippers. Obviously no danger here to the children or traditional values.
By the way, Amy, at least a couple of those guys up there in the tight pants with no shirts on? Probably gay.
Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.