You and all your pseudo-intellectual friends have probably loved sharing and discussing the latest Patton Oswalt Twitter sociology experiment in action — the one where he apologized for offensive tweets that he actually hadn’t ever written.
You thought, “Oh that comedic genius Patton, using those simpletons outrage against them! What a lark!”
But that was fucking nothing.
Meet Marshall Henderson:
He is very good at basketball.
But he’s also infamously known for his “energy,” “passion,” and “chatter” (aka he’s a lunatic, a poor sport, and he talks tons and tons of shit).
Here he is waving to opposing fans with some middle fingers after a loss:
And his Twitter feed is filled with poetry like this:
But just yesterday, the kid that was placed on probation in high school for trying to buy $800 worth of weed with counterfeit money and who was suspended the first three games of the 2013 season for cocaine possession…
…he outsmarted everybody.
As he watched Michael Sam, the first openly gay player in the NFL was drafted by the St. Louis Rams, kiss his boyfriend in celebration upon being drafted, Henderson tweeted this:
Naturally, chaos ensued. Somewhere in the Salon office, there was a giant communal tingling in their collective loins.
But then, only about an hour after the original tweet (about the time it would take for news of the tweet to reach Henderson’s ex-coach/agent/dealer/someone who would tell him that he is a moron and that he has to cover his ass with some lie, no matter how stupid, immediately), he teased us with this:
What could it be?
The world was waiting on the edge of their seats. But then, eight minutes later, he pulled the curtain back for us:
And while this could have been the perfect opportunity for him to defend his open-mindedness and tout how accepting he is of all people, he rises above that plebeian discourse. His actual views, even if they completely agree with what he actually said for this completely real study, are irrelevant!
Then, possibly a bit smugly because he had pulled this off the wool over our eyes so well, he scoffed:
and reminded us the importance of education:
But he made sure to give one final salute to Michael Sam
It’s called Psychology.