Judging by Dan Gainor’s archive of articles on Fox News, it’s safe to say he’s a run of the mill conservative. There are posts about government ‘misinformation and propaganda’ regarding Benghazi, screeds against liberals trying to change the name of the Redskins, and denunciations of the media’s hatred for the Pope.
Nothing out of the ordinary for your typical right wing loud mouth.
But a couple of days ago, Gainor published something so brilliantly revealing of his white male, paranoid inferiority complex that it deserves to be etched into stone and studied by sociologists for decades to come.
In an orgiastic outpouring of Tom Clancy-esque white maleness, Gainor penned an extraordinary essay titled “24: A day’s worth of sex, propaganda and insanity at Huffington Post”, where he imagined Jack Bauer taking on the Huffington Post to expose their “lies disinformation, hype and propaganda”.
The introduction is nothing short of amazing:
For eight years, Jack Bauer and his elite team of agents fought against terrorists, a drug cartel and would-be assassins. Bauer overcame each crisis in just a 24-hour period. Now, he has returned to face the real-time challenges of stopping a terrorist attack in “24: Live Another Day.”
But how would Bauer handle some of the worst denizens of the Internet? Where would he start to combat the collection of lies, disinformation, hype and propaganda? Why, The Huffington Post, of course.
Yes, of course! Gainor then provides an almost minute by minute break down of the disgustingly liberal topics covered by the Huffington Post that goes on for almost 6000 words.
Here is Gainor/Jack Bauer on the Huffington Post manufacturing the ‘gay agenda’:
9:04 a.m. 93% Of Straight Men In This Study Admitted to Doing This In Bed Together
HuffPo doesn’t just push the gay agenda. It helps manufacture it. In the Gay Voices section, the article made it sound like nearly all straight men have been doing more in bed with other men than is actually the case. The headline, with an accompanying photo of James Franco cuddling with another man, made the British studies’ findings sound more gay than they were.
And moments later on their advocacy of communism:
9:35 a.m. EXCEPTIONAL, The U.S. Is Even More Unequal Than You Realized
The business section loudly warned of the “exceptional” inequality of the U.S. as the liberal media frenzy over French economist Thomas Piketty continues to reign. Stoking class envy is just part of a typical day at HuffPo.
It then continues for a full 24 hours, ending the next morning with the Huffington Post promoting “gender-bending nude photos”:
7:46 a.m. Tweet: Gender-bending nudes show a different side of the human body (NSFW)
What an unsurprising way for HuffPo to start the morning, promoting gender-bending nude photos. HuffPo wrote: “Polish photographer Maciek Jasik reveals that a clear image doesn’t automatically equal a true image, especially in a world where so much is never certain.” Gender bending is just one of the many lefty, um, positions promoted at the site.
So what did Gainor uncover from his Bauer-esque foray into the sinister world of online liberal content? Apparently, a site dedicated to the destruction of American family values, with “liberal propaganda, sex, attacks on Christians on the National Day of Prayer, more sex, sympathy for executed murderer/rapist Clayton Lockett, attacks on Republicans, still more sex and, of course, the gay agenda.”
What should we make of Gainor’s obsession with homosexuality and sexual purity? It’s a tricky one, but if we could spend 24 hours with Gainor, we might well find out….
24: A day inside the mind of Dan Gainor
7.26am Wake up from awesome dream where I was Harrison Ford in ‘Patriot Games’
7.27am Think about what I hate in life. Liberals.
7.28am Think about what I love. Jack Bauer!!!
8.15am How do I combine my two thoughts of the day?
8.16am Sit down to write a post about the Huffington Post and Jack Bauer!
10.02am Coffee break
1.15pm Lunch break
5.13pm Think about how gays are ruining America
2.03am Stop writing
4.35am Wake up from lovely dream about being with Harrison Ford
6.05am Get up to finish post
Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.