In this week’s edition of The Daily Banter Mail Bag, Bob, Ben and Chez discuss the Cliven Bundy fiasco, Guy Fieri’s awful restaurant and our fall-back gigs.
1. What do you think, will this whole Cliven Bundy fiasco finally teach the Right a lesson about backing ANYBODY who doesn’t like the government under Obama? I get the feeling that Sean Hannity is genuinely embarrassed by what happened.
Ben: I’m out of the country at the moment (and traveling) so haven’t checked the news at all this week. Let me guess: gigantic right wing asshole said something so crazy that regular right wing assholes got a bit uncomfortable? As a general rule, the Republicans don’t really do long term thinking any more, so they’ll back anyone who seems somewhat capable of rallying the troops around the cause (think Sarah Palin, Joe the Plumber etc etc) and hope to God they don’t turn out to be completely crazy. Unfortunately for them, sensible people are turning away from the Republican party, so the only moderately charismatic people they are left with are complete lunatics.
Chez: Probably not. Their eyes are always bigger than their stomachs, as my mom used to say — or in this case their desperate need to take a scalp overwhelms their good judgment. They really should’ve seen this coming. Oddly enough, whether consciously or not, I think everyone else did. Here’s this pompous old asshole defying the law, saying he doesn’t recognize the government — you just knew that as soon as somebody gave him the spotlight he was gonna pull that, “I’m glad you asked, sonny,” shit and start holding court on WHY he thinks the way he does, imparting his wisdom on the country. And of course that wisdom was gonna be Archie Bunker-style crap. I do think Hannity is embarrassed, which is interesting because I couldn’t imagine he’d be capable of shame — but he was able to quickly deflect and of course begin blaming Democrats for enjoying the schadenfreude. Gotta keep his crowd from taking any of the rap for this clusterfuck.
Bob: Not a chance in hell. Remember, this isn’t first time a far-right hero has said something like this. Ted Nugent, Phil Robertson — they’re all sacred cows and the Hannitys of the world have no regrets supporting them. It’s just that Bundy was less subtle than most.
2. I have a great idea for a Daily Banter story. You should all take a trip to Vegas and eat at Guy Fieri’s new restaurant and write about the experience. Do you choose to accept this assignment?
Chez: I honestly can’t see myself setting foot in a Guy Fieri “restaurant” even as a joke. I mean, I guess if you threw in combat pay maybe. But that place is honestly hell for me — it stands for every single thing I’m against in this world. Although since it’s Vegas we’re talking about I’d probably be on painkillers anyway, so why not.
Bob: Holy shit, I would totally do that. Ben? Your American Express card, please. Seriously, I would. Though my bowels would disown me.
Ben: If you’re paying, sure! If not, then no fucking way. I hate Vegas with a passion, and Guy Fieri isn’t a chef, so I’d rather go to a McDonalds in DC and turn the heat up.
3. What would you be doing if you weren’t doing this?
Bob: No political writing at all? Probably more animated cartoons and totally burned out with it — hating every minute. At the risk of looking like a kiss-ass, allow me to repeat: thank you, thank you, thank you, Mr. Cohen.
Chez: Right now? Sleeping.
Ben: Martial Arts. I have dedicated a good portion of my life to training and teaching in various arts, and I’m quite happy doing it without worrying about ‘career paths’ and all that nonsense. I love running the Banter though, and this is most definitely my priority (also getting hit in the head after the age of 30 isn’t all that much fun).