THE MORNING BANTER: Ukraine Attacks, Erick Erickson Responses, Getting Fingered While Crowdsurfing, and Orange Is Still The New Black

Happy Thursday! Enjoy counting down to a weekend where you’ll probably have lots of spring chores to do! Here’s what’s happening on the interweb:

1. Ukraine Attack in Sloviansk Draws Stern Putin Warning

Commandos have moved on the separatist stronghold of Sloviansk in eastern Ukraine, prompting a warning of “consequences” from Russia’s president. One can only assume that means Putin plans on doing something like this to the commando leader:

2. Erick Erickson Responded to Our Own Bob Cesca’s Article About Hillary Clinton’s Age, But He Still Doesn’t Get It

“But good job, Erickson. You stood on the shoulders of Twitter trolls (without crediting them), then misled your Red State readers about what you said on the radio regarding the condition of a 66-year-old woman’s face. And yet I’m somehow the asshole.” – Bob

3. Iggy Azalea Can’t Crowdsurf Because Her Fans Sexually Assault Her

Australian rapper Iggy Azalea says she’s had to take on new security measures for her concerts because fans think it’s funny to try to finger her while she crowdsurf during a performance. And as much as I really want to make a “Standing O” joke, this is just really fucked up.

4. WATCH: The First Scene From Season 2 of Orange Is The New Black

Speaking of sexual assault, EW has the first scene from the second season of the Netflix hit Orange is the New Black, which will remind you that no matter what Cinemax tells you after dark, womens’ prisons are absolutely not fun (though there may be some delightfully quirky characters there).