THE MORNING BANTER: Credit Card Breach, Final Solitude, Female Penises, and a Boy Band Smackdown

It’s Friday and that means your weekend is finally staring you right in the face. Here are a couple of headlines and internet goodies to pass the time until you can make your escape:

1. As if the lives of Michaels’ customers weren’t already shitty enough.

ABC News: Up to 2.6 Million Cards Breached at Michaels

2. “Death really did not matter to him but life did, and therefore the sensation he felt when they gave their decision was not a feeling of fear but of nostalgia.”

The New York Times: Gabriel García Márquez, Conjurer of Literary Magic, Dies at 87

3. Looks like somebody got drunk and wound up in the Meat Packing District.

The Verge: Scientists Discover the Animal Kingdom’s First ‘Female Penis’

4. In a related item, the stuff I’ve been quietly posting online has been noticed and I’ve been hired as the new Twitter feed manager for U.S. Airways.

New York: How a Middle-aged IT Guy From Peoria Tweeted His Way Into a Writing Job on Late Night With Seth Meyers

5. 14 years later, the dreaded Y2K bug finally will destroy humanity — only it’ll come in the form of a dance-off

The Huffington Post: Joey Fatone: Backstreet Boys Are On Tour Because ‘They Just Need The Money’

6. And what the hell — because it’s Friday here’s an upbeat ear-worm you’ll be humming all day. New music from Charli XCX. From the soundtrack to The Fault in Our Stars, this is Boom Clap.

Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever. 

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