So, U.S. Airways Is Hiring a New Twitterer, If Anyone Needs a Job

If you’ve been paying attention to Twitter at all over the past hour you’re aware that somebody at U.S. Airways is getting fired today. Actually, forget fired — they’re probably being Theon Greyjoyed in some secret room in the basement of Charlotte Douglas International Airport as we speak.

Earlier today, a U.S. Airways customer tweeted a complaint at the company, which caused the company to write back apologizing for a delay the person was experiencing. The customer then fired back with another tweet which led someone at U.S. Airways to come back with a much more graphic version of this:

The tweet somehow stayed up for more than an hour and of course made its way to every single possible corner of the internet. Given that the offending picture was actually something that had been sent to American Airlines by a random person, there’s a pretty good chance that whoever answers tweets for U.S. Airways copied it to send to someone else and wound up accidentally firing it off to one of its own passengers.

The company has acknowledged that it screwed up.

Of course, this is the story they want you to believe. Given that I listen to a lot of Alex Jones, though, I know the truth. That plane never actually crashed into that woman’s vagina. The real story is that this was a false flag attack by the U.S. government aimed at giving us a reason to invade Russia, which as you know has begun defiling vaginas — starting a “pussy riot,” if you will. I’m hoping that all my fellow Airplane Dildo Truthers will stand with me on this. Everyone else, you’re all a bunch of sheeple.

Adding: Blogger and media analyst Simon Owens reminds us, “CNN will soon be running a segment on this alternate theory of what happened to Malaysia Airlines Flight 370.”

Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.