THE MORNING BANTER: Sebelius Resigns, Kaepernick Sex Assault Investigation, Jesus’s Wife, Greenwald’s Back, and the 30 Best Musical TV Moments

Friday’s finally here and it’s almost time to trample some of your coworkers on your way to the exit. Here’s a small dose of internet goodness to pass the time until you can make your escape.

1. The right is of course claiming this scalp, saying that it’s proof Obamacare was a failure. Sure, the rollout was plagued by issues, but if 7-million people signing up for health insurance is a failure we need more failures like it from Washington.

CNN: Kathleen Sebelius To Resign From Health And Human Services Post

2. And by “suspicious incident,” they mean “potential sexual assault.”

The Bleacher Report: Colin Kaepernick Investigated for Suspicious Incident at Miami Hotel

3. Well, this would certainly explain why Jesus volunteered to die.

Time: Scientists Say Gospel of Jesus’ Wife Probably Not Fake

4. You know, sometimes a community has to come together and make the collective decision to step into the strike zone and take one for the whole team. In other words: Shut up — this is the nectar of the gods we’re talking about.

The L.A. Times: Irwindale Council Declares Sriracha Smell a Public Nuisance

5. Step One: Read Glenn Greenwald’s Twitter feed carefully.

The Week: Here’s How To Really Detect Lies

6. Speaking of which, hacky’s back in town.

The Huffington Post: Glenn Greenwald, Laura Poitras Returning To U.S. For First Time Since Snowden Revelations

7. So many good ones on this list. But #10. That could very well have been the most lovely, powerful and moving six-and-a-half minutes of television ever created. It’s rare that TV rises to the level of poetry — but it did it here.

Spin: Spin’s 30 Best Musical Moments From TV’s Latest Golden Age

Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.