“A small black hole would suck in our entire universe, so we know it’s not that. A Bermuda Triangle is often weather, and Lost is a TV show.”
— Mary Schiavo, the former inspector general for the U.S. Department of Transportation, responding last night to CNN’s Don Lemon, who asked her whether a “black hole” or some supernatural force may have swallowed Malaysia Airlines Flight 370
Welcome to Peak Stupid at CNN. It’s one thing to spend so much time talking about something for which there are no facts that you have no choice but to just make stuff up, but asking open-ended questions and entertaining wild theories that are completely ludicrous at face value make you no better than, well, Alex Jones. There are already plenty of idiots out there who think that President Obama blew up the plane or an e-bomb may have been detonated onboard, making the jet invisible. Conspiracy theories and left-field speculation can thrive in almost no oxygen these days — and for some they’re the default position whenever a lack of information stating otherwise is present — so to provide cover and sanction for that kind of nonsense on a network that was once as revered as CNN was is unconscionable.
Just because Flight 370 hasn’t been found doesn’t mean the laws of physics have somehow been upended; it just means they haven’t found the plane yet in a search area that’s the size of Australia. But in CNN’s ongoing crusade to make itself into a reputation-ending global laughingstock in the name of a short-term ratings boost, the network will now put its name behind anything any idiot viewer can dream up and tweet without misspelling @CNN, with poor, dumb Don Lemon forced to swallow every ounce of his dignity and actually ask a former official for the United States government and seemingly lucid human being whether Clem in Baton Rouge may be on to something when he thinks it might be aliens or a rift in time-space that absconded with the jet.
I know that just a couple of days ago I said that CNN doesn’t care whether anyone openly mocks its Commander Queegian obsession with this damn story, since those media-savvy smart-asses don’t represent the audience the network is pitching to. But at some point it would be nice if somebody working between the four walls of CNN Center spoke up and defended the network’s honor against the damage being done to it from the inside out. Because what we’re seeing right now is a fucking embarrassment. You wanna know where that black hole is? It’s at CNN, swallowing everything and allowing nothing to escape it — not even intelligent thought or good judgment.
Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.