THE MORNING BANTER: Putin’s Defense, Republican Lies, Search Parties, and CBS Preachers

Happy Tuesday! Let’s all just pretend that we’re okay with it. Here’s what’s happening on the interweb:

1. Putin: Crimea Of ‘Vital Importance’ To Russia

President Vladimir Putin on Tuesday fiercely defended Russia’s move to annex Crimea, saying the rights of ethnic Russians have been abused by the new Ukrainian government. It was then that his primary aide described to him what human rights were, at which point he realized his gaffe, but felt too embarrassed to backtrack now.

2. Debunking the Top 10 Most Egregious Republican Lies

Our very own Bob Cesca debunked the 10 Most Egregious Republican Lies, not including the one about them never lying ever.

3. Malaysian Authorities Cede Search Control

Malaysian authorities have given up control in the search for the missing Malaysian jet. Officials chopped up the search area for the missing plane and negotiated for Australia, Indonesia, China and Kazakhstan to lead the efforts in some areas, thus resulting in the greatest assembling of countries that should be cast in a buddy comedy ever.

4. Two and a Half Men’s Half-Man Is Now a Bearded Preacher

Angus T. Jones, formerly one of the highest-paid child actors in TV for his work on Two and a Half Men, has fully backed out of the show to pursue a new beard and his relationship with God. Apparently, working with Ashton Kutcher just wasn’t quite doing it for him.