This Headband From The Future Will Shock Away Your Migraines

There’s a famous saying that goes, “If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention.”

Unfortunately, outrage comes with a lot of annoying side effects — wrinkles, grey hairs, a break in communication from your redneck family who destroys your very soul with their ignorance — but most commonly headaches.

Fortunately though, there is now Cefaly, a robotic piece of headgear that promises to take all that pain away and replace it with rainbows and sunshine.

This week the FDA cleared the device for marketing in the US, and sales are expected to be high from the get-go. It works by sending minor electric signals into your brain to act on the trigeminal nerve, which lives up to its important sounding name by being the largest of the cranial nerves. And for only $295, plus a prescription from your doctor that you indeed suffer from migraines and don’t just like pretending you’re from the future, it can be yours.

Apparently it can be used for both treatment and prevention of what are commonly called “Shut the Hell Up and Turn Off All the Lights, I Need to be in the Fetal Position for a Few Hours” headaches; for treatment, it uses high-frequency neurostimulation to limit pain signals from the nerve center, and for prevention, it changes the trigger threshold of the migraine thanks to low-frequency neurostimulation. Science…

It claims almost zero side effects, and touts multiple studies that vouch for its effectiveness. Dr. James Rathmell, chief of the pain medicine division at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston told NPR that conceptually, these types of devices work by “putting a pleasant sensation over an area where there is a painful sensation.” 

And if masking deep pain with synthetic pleasure isn’t the American way, then I don’t know what is.

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