THE MORNING BANTER: Obama Threats, Shorter Drug Sentences, Arthur Chu, and Crushing

Happy Thursday. We’ve almost done it! Here’s what’s happening on the interweb:

1. Obama: Russia Could Face ‘Costs’ Over Ukraine Actions

President Barack Obama says that if Russia continues an aggressive path in Ukraine, the United States and other countries will, in his words, be “forced to apply costs” to Moscow. This would include unfriending Putin on Facebook and possibly rescinding his invitation to the Naughty NATO party later this month.

2. Holder to Push for Shorter Sentences in Most Drug Cases

Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr. on Thursday will urge reduced sentences for defendants in most of the nation’s drug cases. Holder says he cannot comprehend the large quantity of run-on sentences used during these drug trials and it’s just appalling and it needs to stop and this is our country we’re talking about and what the hell.

3. Jeopardy! Champion Arthur Chu’s Polarizing Win Streak Comes to an End

Down. Goes. Chu. Arthur Chu, the Jeopardy! champion whose unconventional methods made him both a pseudo-celebrity and game-show villain, had his much-followed win streak snapped at 11 tonight. Then, according to standard Jeopardy rules, Alex Trebek handed him a sword, which Chu plunged through his chest, confident that he would be remembered for ages.

4. This man was governor of one of the largest, most important states in our country…