THE MORNING BANTER: Wendy Davis Wins, DC Weed Decriminalized, RT Anchor Rebels, and Hoverboards

Happy Wednesday. How full is your glass? Here’s what’s happening on the interweb:

1. Wendy Davis Wins Primary In Texas Gubernatorial Race

Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis is officially the Democratic nominee for governor, the Associated Press reports. Davis, the clear frontrunner throughout the race, defeated perennial candidate Ray Madrigal in Tuesday’s primary. She celebrated by getting drunk and began telling off multiple members of her campaign staff until she was reminded that this was just the primary election.

2. Marijuana To Be Decriminilized in DC

Emmarie Huetteman, a reporter for the New York Times tweeted, “D.C. Mayor Vincent C. Gray has said he will sign the bill decriminalizing possession of up to an ounce of marijuana. Signing date TBA.”

When Mayor Gray was asked about this, he immediately replied, “Bitch set me up!

3. RT Network Journalist Abby Martin Stands Up to Russian Aggression Against Ukraine

Russia Today journalist did a brave thing and stood up to Russia’s aggressive stance on Ukraine. However, she may be a 9/11 Truther so it all kind of evens out in the wash.

4. Hoverboards Are Real; Correction, Hoverboards Are Fake

A fake company spent a lot of real money on very real celebrities to endorse a fake hoverboard. Their end game is unclear, but they already have me budgeting money for a non-existent product, so they’re probably going to takeover the world.