If all Billy Ray Cyrus had done with his life was create Miley Cyrus, he might already have secured his place as one of the most offensive Americans to ever have existed. But, as it turns out, Billy Ray is also the man behind Achy Breaky Heart, a song which two decades ago greased the loins of an entire army of screaming, swooning soccer moms and became a viral sensation in the literal sense of the word and before “going viral” was even a thing.
In the ensuing twenty years, the public has of course clamored for a worthy follow-up to Achy Breaky Heart, but despite an inexplicably ongoing career in music, Billy Ray has denied us all that which we so desperately seek. Or at least he did — until now.
This is seriously the damndest thing you’ll see all week and maybe we can’t in good conscience even suggest that you subject yourself to it. But it’s admittedly so unbelievably weird that it really does almost border on being, dare it be said, art. There’s rapping. There’s a UFO. There are girls in mirrored bikinis with their faces painted. There’s Larry King actually apologizing for the whole thing. And at the center of it, there’s Billy Ray Cyrus — looking like Macho Man Randy Savage dipped his head in soy sauce and entered the Witness Protection Program.
What this hypnotically bizarre concoction is, is Billy Ray’s hip-hop remake of Achy Breaky Heart titled, cleverly, Achy Breaky 2 (presumably because AAAAAGGGGHHHH Fucking Christ My Ears Are Bleeding would’ve kept it out of Wal-Mart).
Seriously, this family’s relationship with black culture is one of the great tragedies of our time.
Good luck sitting through the next three-and-a-half minutes.
Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.